Monday, July 16, 2007
NiceGirl Backup
The latest in my "adventures" in dating, I got the call I've been expecting for weeks. The guy who was dying to contact me off-line and go out has now decided to start dating someone else he met. He said it was a slow start but now it's progressing, thanks for finally telling the truth. He then asked if he could call me if it didn't work out. Well, being the "nice girl" I default to I said "Sure that's fine" and then got off the call as quickly as possible, wishing him luck with the relationship. Of course when I hung up, I wished I'd been honest and said "Yeah I knew you weren't that into me or else you would've tried to end this two weeks ago." I had a sense when he wrote in an email back then of "Are you around tonight?" he wanted to get it over with then and there. Here's the thing, I have a sense of men's instinct to retreat, why can't I get someone who actually WANTS to be with me first? I allow myself to be a guy's second choice instead of his first. That's what I should've said, "No, if I'm not your first choice then I'm not interested." But I can never force myself to say those things aloud. Errgh!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
The Proof is in the Numbers
So single women aren't being over-dramatic about the lack of available men, so says Time Out New York.
I've been banging my head against my keyboard a lot less lately with regards to online dating. I'm now in semi-regular communication with three very different guys.
My latest pursuer has been the most eager to move into off-line communication so I gave into that but I have yet to get the proverbial first phone call. He's either really into me or wants to know sooner than later if we have any face to face chemistry.
My oldest and most reluctant match finally warmed up to me but hasn't asked to talk on the phone. His subscription expires this weekend so he might just disappear.
The match in between is closest to me in age and up until last week was very up front about his life. He went on a business trip last week, I wonder if he ever came back? That's morbid to think, I know.
I know I'm a hypocrite for saying to one of my guy friends that I never want to date a stranger again but really do I have a choice at this point in my life? The guys I've known the longest in my life are married or gay so that leaves me little choice but to put myself out there and run the reel of my life for who knows how many more guys I date.
I've already dated seven people in the last five years and learned a LOT about what I don't want. These relationships latest from three weeks to seven months. The one I wish had worked (and the one who my mother nags me about the most) would've been perfect at THIS point in my life but when he asked me out I was just out of college and didn't feel comfortable dating someone about ten years older than me.
While the whole process makes me feel jaded, I haven't completely lost hope of having another boyfriend before the end of the summer.
I've been banging my head against my keyboard a lot less lately with regards to online dating. I'm now in semi-regular communication with three very different guys.
My latest pursuer has been the most eager to move into off-line communication so I gave into that but I have yet to get the proverbial first phone call. He's either really into me or wants to know sooner than later if we have any face to face chemistry.
My oldest and most reluctant match finally warmed up to me but hasn't asked to talk on the phone. His subscription expires this weekend so he might just disappear.
The match in between is closest to me in age and up until last week was very up front about his life. He went on a business trip last week, I wonder if he ever came back? That's morbid to think, I know.
I know I'm a hypocrite for saying to one of my guy friends that I never want to date a stranger again but really do I have a choice at this point in my life? The guys I've known the longest in my life are married or gay so that leaves me little choice but to put myself out there and run the reel of my life for who knows how many more guys I date.
I've already dated seven people in the last five years and learned a LOT about what I don't want. These relationships latest from three weeks to seven months. The one I wish had worked (and the one who my mother nags me about the most) would've been perfect at THIS point in my life but when he asked me out I was just out of college and didn't feel comfortable dating someone about ten years older than me.
While the whole process makes me feel jaded, I haven't completely lost hope of having another boyfriend before the end of the summer.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
It Takes Time
Things are starting to move forward on the communication front with my online matches.
The minimal communicator finally fessed up to being newbie at online dating and asked me what I thought of my experience on eHarmony. I said it wasn't great and most of the matches I would never date and I guessed about the types he'd been placed with. He wrote back right away and complimented me on my advice and insight that was unusual for my age. The rest of his message was nice and I think we've made a breakthrough with real communication. I still don't think we're going to get much further before he gives up at the end of the month. He's decided this method is not for him which makes me think he will not pursue anything more than e-mail with me.
My more promising match wants to talk on the phone which is something I'm ready for now. He is def. more positive and comfortable about this process so I'll know sooner than later if we have chemistry. He's only a little older than me so I'm sure we'll have more to talk about.
The minimal communicator finally fessed up to being newbie at online dating and asked me what I thought of my experience on eHarmony. I said it wasn't great and most of the matches I would never date and I guessed about the types he'd been placed with. He wrote back right away and complimented me on my advice and insight that was unusual for my age. The rest of his message was nice and I think we've made a breakthrough with real communication. I still don't think we're going to get much further before he gives up at the end of the month. He's decided this method is not for him which makes me think he will not pursue anything more than e-mail with me.
My more promising match wants to talk on the phone which is something I'm ready for now. He is def. more positive and comfortable about this process so I'll know sooner than later if we have chemistry. He's only a little older than me so I'm sure we'll have more to talk about.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
This is Not My Only Excuse, But it Sure is a Good One!
I've been saying this for a couple of years, there are fewer Christian guys out there and now it's been proven it's a world-wide concern. Here's an article from Christianity Today.
My brother in law heard an analogy once of the Christian dating scene today for women: It's like driving through a parking lot and only seeing handicap spaces or a space taken up by a shopping cart. The handicap ones, in my opinion, are the guys who can't interpret signals from women, allow themselves to fall into the dreaded "friends zone," or simply don't know how to treat a women properly. The blocked spaces could be potential future boyfriends but they could also be my other dreaded subset of guys, the ones who are into everything but building a relationship. This type of guy has the money to spend wooing a young woman but instead he spends in on tripping out his apartment/house with tech. gadgets or a fancy car. That's called being a bachelor, I know. When is it time to ditch the all leather furniture look or the dreaded futon couch for something more mature?
On the other hand, a future mate in the blocked space may not be aware of his potential great boyfriend personality. To be fair, young Christian women don't make it easy for this type of guy. We're either driven to get married asap (aka they went to a Christian school and major in Mrs.) or we want time to enjoy our 20s career and social wise. We are the ones sending mixed signals more often than guys, I would argue.
I know I sent them to my last boyfriend and that contributed to our "failure to communicate." I don't want to get married right now but I wanted to know early on in our relationship (6 months in to be exact) if this was a remote possibility. I think our relationship officially failed the day I happen to be driving with him through the town where my sister's reception was. I pointed out the site and said "isn't that a beautiful house?"
When we broke up two days later, the first words out of his mouth were "It's clear you want to get married. I don't know if I'll be ready to, even a couple years later." Not 3 months before we'd talked about where we wanted to be in 5 years and the first thing he said was "I want a wife and children." Looking back, I now realize what he was REALLY trying to say that day was "I don't want to marry you." Throughout our relationship, I tried to take my friend's advice and when it came up I said I really don't want to get married now. In this case it didn't work.
I have yet to know for certain if one can send mixed signals through e-mail when you're doing online dating. If anything, it's a conversation that often takes a while to get going if at all.
I was talking to my friend who's also registered on eHarmony about why guys don't like to email during the Open Communication stage. We concluded that guys are social creatures who would prefer a face to face conversation or at least a phone call.
One of my matches out rightly refuses to move our conversation beyond answering questions I send him. I'm frustrated that he hasn't asked me any questions and really only wants to talk about business topics it seems. My friend suggested giving him my cell number to see if he's different on the phone. Frankly I have no motivation to at this point. He's coming off as a someone very set in his ways: work and more work. But I'm trying truly to give him the benefit of the doubt...
My brother in law heard an analogy once of the Christian dating scene today for women: It's like driving through a parking lot and only seeing handicap spaces or a space taken up by a shopping cart. The handicap ones, in my opinion, are the guys who can't interpret signals from women, allow themselves to fall into the dreaded "friends zone," or simply don't know how to treat a women properly. The blocked spaces could be potential future boyfriends but they could also be my other dreaded subset of guys, the ones who are into everything but building a relationship. This type of guy has the money to spend wooing a young woman but instead he spends in on tripping out his apartment/house with tech. gadgets or a fancy car. That's called being a bachelor, I know. When is it time to ditch the all leather furniture look or the dreaded futon couch for something more mature?
On the other hand, a future mate in the blocked space may not be aware of his potential great boyfriend personality. To be fair, young Christian women don't make it easy for this type of guy. We're either driven to get married asap (aka they went to a Christian school and major in Mrs.) or we want time to enjoy our 20s career and social wise. We are the ones sending mixed signals more often than guys, I would argue.
I know I sent them to my last boyfriend and that contributed to our "failure to communicate." I don't want to get married right now but I wanted to know early on in our relationship (6 months in to be exact) if this was a remote possibility. I think our relationship officially failed the day I happen to be driving with him through the town where my sister's reception was. I pointed out the site and said "isn't that a beautiful house?"
When we broke up two days later, the first words out of his mouth were "It's clear you want to get married. I don't know if I'll be ready to, even a couple years later." Not 3 months before we'd talked about where we wanted to be in 5 years and the first thing he said was "I want a wife and children." Looking back, I now realize what he was REALLY trying to say that day was "I don't want to marry you." Throughout our relationship, I tried to take my friend's advice and when it came up I said I really don't want to get married now. In this case it didn't work.
I have yet to know for certain if one can send mixed signals through e-mail when you're doing online dating. If anything, it's a conversation that often takes a while to get going if at all.
I was talking to my friend who's also registered on eHarmony about why guys don't like to email during the Open Communication stage. We concluded that guys are social creatures who would prefer a face to face conversation or at least a phone call.
One of my matches out rightly refuses to move our conversation beyond answering questions I send him. I'm frustrated that he hasn't asked me any questions and really only wants to talk about business topics it seems. My friend suggested giving him my cell number to see if he's different on the phone. Frankly I have no motivation to at this point. He's coming off as a someone very set in his ways: work and more work. But I'm trying truly to give him the benefit of the doubt...
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
"Is this Heaven?" "No It's New Jersey"
http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2007/05/29/hugh_laurie/
Just when I thought "House" was the first show set in NJ that didn't make any bad references to my great home state, I was wrong!
In last night's season 3 finale, which had the typical twists and turns in a season finale, Dr. House is asked by his divinely revived patient where she is. While some may say "C'mon, he gives a straight answer" I disagree. This is House we're speaking of, he has a smart mouth answer for EVERYONE.
Here's why I love "House":
1. Hugh Laurie and Robert Sean Leonard create a vital dramatic chemistry honed by their many years as versatile actors.
2. Every episode has a twist that makes you wait until the last moments for resolution. That's dramatic writing at its finest.
3. It's the only show I need complete silence for, I can't stand to miss a moment of dialogue.
4. It's already in syndication, yipee!
5. It's set in my favorite town in NJ, Princeton.
Of all the season finales I've watched the past 2-3 weeks, it was certainly not disappointing and actually left me content for the summer hiatus.
Just when I thought "House" was the first show set in NJ that didn't make any bad references to my great home state, I was wrong!
In last night's season 3 finale, which had the typical twists and turns in a season finale, Dr. House is asked by his divinely revived patient where she is. While some may say "C'mon, he gives a straight answer" I disagree. This is House we're speaking of, he has a smart mouth answer for EVERYONE.
Here's why I love "House":
1. Hugh Laurie and Robert Sean Leonard create a vital dramatic chemistry honed by their many years as versatile actors.
2. Every episode has a twist that makes you wait until the last moments for resolution. That's dramatic writing at its finest.
3. It's the only show I need complete silence for, I can't stand to miss a moment of dialogue.
4. It's already in syndication, yipee!
5. It's set in my favorite town in NJ, Princeton.
Of all the season finales I've watched the past 2-3 weeks, it was certainly not disappointing and actually left me content for the summer hiatus.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Back in the Saddle Again
This is the first summer in a long time I haven't made plans to go away. The main reason is I just put down a bit of money to buy my first car, a 2007 Honda Civic in Taffetta White (why should I have to say white after it, women would know it's white). She is the new love of my life, I'm indebted to her for the next 60 months.
The second reason is I was invited to go to Miami sometime this summer with the guy I was seeing at the time. I was getting uncertain about us actually going even though I had the money for the tickets taken care of (companion air voucher) because he was hemming and hawing about when. It was this regular pattern of uncertainty that forced me to call a DTR (define the relationship). The result led to him dumping me a few days after my birthday and right after April Fools. I wish it was a joke at first but now weeks later I'm relieved to be rid of him.
I've now return to online dating, with a healthy amount of skepticism that Dr. Warren's scientific method will work for me. Two friends of friends are now engaged to marry the first person they were matched so I know people who it's worked for.
I was on Match before and that was a little too much like an online bar scene,a lot of guys just looking for your number. I spoke to a few guys and dated three people. I'll never forget one guy who was very eager to meet me and I'm glad I never did. On my pre-date phone call, he asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. You can imagine how quickly I wanted to get off of that phone call.
I've decided once again to invest money in my future and have signed on for the next six months. Like a fitness resolution I'm not doing this alone. My friend's been on it a couple of months and now I have someone to talk to about the process. Our main pet peeve is getting matched with non-payers and not knowing it until they don't answer your first set of questions. The only hurdle we have to get over is that most men are not big on e-mailing. That makes the early stages of "getting to know you" a little ackward. So it seems, no matter where you meet someone for the first time, it takes a while to find out if there's ANY relationship potential.
The second reason is I was invited to go to Miami sometime this summer with the guy I was seeing at the time. I was getting uncertain about us actually going even though I had the money for the tickets taken care of (companion air voucher) because he was hemming and hawing about when. It was this regular pattern of uncertainty that forced me to call a DTR (define the relationship). The result led to him dumping me a few days after my birthday and right after April Fools. I wish it was a joke at first but now weeks later I'm relieved to be rid of him.
I've now return to online dating, with a healthy amount of skepticism that Dr. Warren's scientific method will work for me. Two friends of friends are now engaged to marry the first person they were matched so I know people who it's worked for.
I was on Match before and that was a little too much like an online bar scene,a lot of guys just looking for your number. I spoke to a few guys and dated three people. I'll never forget one guy who was very eager to meet me and I'm glad I never did. On my pre-date phone call, he asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. You can imagine how quickly I wanted to get off of that phone call.
I've decided once again to invest money in my future and have signed on for the next six months. Like a fitness resolution I'm not doing this alone. My friend's been on it a couple of months and now I have someone to talk to about the process. Our main pet peeve is getting matched with non-payers and not knowing it until they don't answer your first set of questions. The only hurdle we have to get over is that most men are not big on e-mailing. That makes the early stages of "getting to know you" a little ackward. So it seems, no matter where you meet someone for the first time, it takes a while to find out if there's ANY relationship potential.
Friday, April 06, 2007
Taking Time Off
Read this very thoughtful essay by the Harvard Admission Committee on the best way to live in the moment during the teen/college age years
http://www.admissions.college.harvard.edu/prospective/applying/time_off/timeoff.html
http://www.admissions.college.harvard.edu/prospective/applying/time_off/timeoff.html
East Coast Living
I was watching a new show on ABC last night "October Road." Usually I don't take an interest in a show just for the scenery but I'm a sucker for New England fall.
Growing up in New Jersey, I've seen my fair share of leaf piles and all the other images conjured up with this magical time of year. Why am I thinking about Fall in the middle of a typical rainy Spring? The answer is, I have no idea.
Here's another thing I love about living on the East Coast: Lax Games. Yes there's something very particular regional about Lacrosse, the way Surfing is to the West Coast. It's a part of our culture, an annual rite of the spring sports season at the high school and college level. It brings people together, okay it's most WASP/JCrew/Preppy types but still we love this game!
I went to my alma-mater yesterday, Drew University, to meet a fellow alum for dinner. I stopped in to watch the men's game until my friend arrived and I felt right at home. There was a LOT of chatter out on the field and the fans were just as eager to support the players on the field. For a game invented by Native Americans, East Coasters have taken it up with a passion and made it a true athletic event. There's a lot of running, a lot of strategy and yet a lot of graceful but rapid passing.
The last thing I love about living on the Coast- we have equal access to everything outdoors because we have both the Shore and the Mountains. Sure the temperatures change faster than the gas prices here lately, that's why Polartec was invented people!
Growing up in New Jersey, I've seen my fair share of leaf piles and all the other images conjured up with this magical time of year. Why am I thinking about Fall in the middle of a typical rainy Spring? The answer is, I have no idea.
Here's another thing I love about living on the East Coast: Lax Games. Yes there's something very particular regional about Lacrosse, the way Surfing is to the West Coast. It's a part of our culture, an annual rite of the spring sports season at the high school and college level. It brings people together, okay it's most WASP/JCrew/Preppy types but still we love this game!
I went to my alma-mater yesterday, Drew University, to meet a fellow alum for dinner. I stopped in to watch the men's game until my friend arrived and I felt right at home. There was a LOT of chatter out on the field and the fans were just as eager to support the players on the field. For a game invented by Native Americans, East Coasters have taken it up with a passion and made it a true athletic event. There's a lot of running, a lot of strategy and yet a lot of graceful but rapid passing.
The last thing I love about living on the Coast- we have equal access to everything outdoors because we have both the Shore and the Mountains. Sure the temperatures change faster than the gas prices here lately, that's why Polartec was invented people!
Friday, February 02, 2007
Candidate Maggie
Yesterday, I began campaigning for Ph.D Admission '08. Much like the many presidential candidates who've thrown their hat into the '08 Presidential Race, I myself have officially declared my intention to become a Ph.D. student in the 20th century British Novel.
My first stop was Storrs, CT to spend the day at UConn. I had the chance to meet a 2nd cousin, who's a professor there, as well as meet my future teachers and students. The campus reminds me a little of Middlebury (in the country) and a LOT of Cornell (mucho money spent on the physical plant). While my visit lasted about 4 hours, I was more than satisfied with what I saw. In fact, I received an outstanding first impression.
I could definitely find my niche in that place and also feel okay spending my weekends back in ol' NJ.
My first stop was Storrs, CT to spend the day at UConn. I had the chance to meet a 2nd cousin, who's a professor there, as well as meet my future teachers and students. The campus reminds me a little of Middlebury (in the country) and a LOT of Cornell (mucho money spent on the physical plant). While my visit lasted about 4 hours, I was more than satisfied with what I saw. In fact, I received an outstanding first impression.
I could definitely find my niche in that place and also feel okay spending my weekends back in ol' NJ.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Thursday, January 04, 2007
People Looking For You
Do you ever feel like everyone is always looking for you? I basically have my cell phone on me at all times, a phenomena I never expected to include in my daily routine.
People from work call me on it (within business hours, luckily) as if anytime, anywhere I will have an answer to their question or can fulfill their request immediately. This morning, for example, I was about 2 miles from my office and I received a call about a bill that's due for our office furniture rental. So I reach over, grabbed my corporate charge card and read off the number while I was driving!
Okay, I'm also known for eating and drinking coffee (my car would tell you that wholeheartedly) while I'm driving so this task is not so far fetched. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I've willingly become one of the people who lives a mobile ungrounded existence. I have everything I could possibly need in my car except a washing machine and dryer!
There are other people looking for me, my boyfriend, my parents at 2 am when I haven't come home. My grandmother always enjoys my calls in transit ("Where are you, on the train?"/ "No Gram, I'm crossing a bridge").
The following people are NOT looking for me: The I.R.S; A Jehovah's Witness; My very short list of Ex's. And with that I await my cell to briiing briing again...
Mags
People from work call me on it (within business hours, luckily) as if anytime, anywhere I will have an answer to their question or can fulfill their request immediately. This morning, for example, I was about 2 miles from my office and I received a call about a bill that's due for our office furniture rental. So I reach over, grabbed my corporate charge card and read off the number while I was driving!
Okay, I'm also known for eating and drinking coffee (my car would tell you that wholeheartedly) while I'm driving so this task is not so far fetched. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I've willingly become one of the people who lives a mobile ungrounded existence. I have everything I could possibly need in my car except a washing machine and dryer!
There are other people looking for me, my boyfriend, my parents at 2 am when I haven't come home. My grandmother always enjoys my calls in transit ("Where are you, on the train?"/ "No Gram, I'm crossing a bridge").
The following people are NOT looking for me: The I.R.S; A Jehovah's Witness; My very short list of Ex's. And with that I await my cell to briiing briing again...
Mags
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