So single women aren't being over-dramatic about the lack of available men, so says Time Out New York.
I've been banging my head against my keyboard a lot less lately with regards to online dating. I'm now in semi-regular communication with three very different guys.
My latest pursuer has been the most eager to move into off-line communication so I gave into that but I have yet to get the proverbial first phone call. He's either really into me or wants to know sooner than later if we have any face to face chemistry.
My oldest and most reluctant match finally warmed up to me but hasn't asked to talk on the phone. His subscription expires this weekend so he might just disappear.
The match in between is closest to me in age and up until last week was very up front about his life. He went on a business trip last week, I wonder if he ever came back? That's morbid to think, I know.
I know I'm a hypocrite for saying to one of my guy friends that I never want to date a stranger again but really do I have a choice at this point in my life? The guys I've known the longest in my life are married or gay so that leaves me little choice but to put myself out there and run the reel of my life for who knows how many more guys I date.
I've already dated seven people in the last five years and learned a LOT about what I don't want. These relationships latest from three weeks to seven months. The one I wish had worked (and the one who my mother nags me about the most) would've been perfect at THIS point in my life but when he asked me out I was just out of college and didn't feel comfortable dating someone about ten years older than me.
While the whole process makes me feel jaded, I haven't completely lost hope of having another boyfriend before the end of the summer.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
It Takes Time
Things are starting to move forward on the communication front with my online matches.
The minimal communicator finally fessed up to being newbie at online dating and asked me what I thought of my experience on eHarmony. I said it wasn't great and most of the matches I would never date and I guessed about the types he'd been placed with. He wrote back right away and complimented me on my advice and insight that was unusual for my age. The rest of his message was nice and I think we've made a breakthrough with real communication. I still don't think we're going to get much further before he gives up at the end of the month. He's decided this method is not for him which makes me think he will not pursue anything more than e-mail with me.
My more promising match wants to talk on the phone which is something I'm ready for now. He is def. more positive and comfortable about this process so I'll know sooner than later if we have chemistry. He's only a little older than me so I'm sure we'll have more to talk about.
The minimal communicator finally fessed up to being newbie at online dating and asked me what I thought of my experience on eHarmony. I said it wasn't great and most of the matches I would never date and I guessed about the types he'd been placed with. He wrote back right away and complimented me on my advice and insight that was unusual for my age. The rest of his message was nice and I think we've made a breakthrough with real communication. I still don't think we're going to get much further before he gives up at the end of the month. He's decided this method is not for him which makes me think he will not pursue anything more than e-mail with me.
My more promising match wants to talk on the phone which is something I'm ready for now. He is def. more positive and comfortable about this process so I'll know sooner than later if we have chemistry. He's only a little older than me so I'm sure we'll have more to talk about.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
This is Not My Only Excuse, But it Sure is a Good One!
I've been saying this for a couple of years, there are fewer Christian guys out there and now it's been proven it's a world-wide concern. Here's an article from Christianity Today.
My brother in law heard an analogy once of the Christian dating scene today for women: It's like driving through a parking lot and only seeing handicap spaces or a space taken up by a shopping cart. The handicap ones, in my opinion, are the guys who can't interpret signals from women, allow themselves to fall into the dreaded "friends zone," or simply don't know how to treat a women properly. The blocked spaces could be potential future boyfriends but they could also be my other dreaded subset of guys, the ones who are into everything but building a relationship. This type of guy has the money to spend wooing a young woman but instead he spends in on tripping out his apartment/house with tech. gadgets or a fancy car. That's called being a bachelor, I know. When is it time to ditch the all leather furniture look or the dreaded futon couch for something more mature?
On the other hand, a future mate in the blocked space may not be aware of his potential great boyfriend personality. To be fair, young Christian women don't make it easy for this type of guy. We're either driven to get married asap (aka they went to a Christian school and major in Mrs.) or we want time to enjoy our 20s career and social wise. We are the ones sending mixed signals more often than guys, I would argue.
I know I sent them to my last boyfriend and that contributed to our "failure to communicate." I don't want to get married right now but I wanted to know early on in our relationship (6 months in to be exact) if this was a remote possibility. I think our relationship officially failed the day I happen to be driving with him through the town where my sister's reception was. I pointed out the site and said "isn't that a beautiful house?"
When we broke up two days later, the first words out of his mouth were "It's clear you want to get married. I don't know if I'll be ready to, even a couple years later." Not 3 months before we'd talked about where we wanted to be in 5 years and the first thing he said was "I want a wife and children." Looking back, I now realize what he was REALLY trying to say that day was "I don't want to marry you." Throughout our relationship, I tried to take my friend's advice and when it came up I said I really don't want to get married now. In this case it didn't work.
I have yet to know for certain if one can send mixed signals through e-mail when you're doing online dating. If anything, it's a conversation that often takes a while to get going if at all.
I was talking to my friend who's also registered on eHarmony about why guys don't like to email during the Open Communication stage. We concluded that guys are social creatures who would prefer a face to face conversation or at least a phone call.
One of my matches out rightly refuses to move our conversation beyond answering questions I send him. I'm frustrated that he hasn't asked me any questions and really only wants to talk about business topics it seems. My friend suggested giving him my cell number to see if he's different on the phone. Frankly I have no motivation to at this point. He's coming off as a someone very set in his ways: work and more work. But I'm trying truly to give him the benefit of the doubt...
My brother in law heard an analogy once of the Christian dating scene today for women: It's like driving through a parking lot and only seeing handicap spaces or a space taken up by a shopping cart. The handicap ones, in my opinion, are the guys who can't interpret signals from women, allow themselves to fall into the dreaded "friends zone," or simply don't know how to treat a women properly. The blocked spaces could be potential future boyfriends but they could also be my other dreaded subset of guys, the ones who are into everything but building a relationship. This type of guy has the money to spend wooing a young woman but instead he spends in on tripping out his apartment/house with tech. gadgets or a fancy car. That's called being a bachelor, I know. When is it time to ditch the all leather furniture look or the dreaded futon couch for something more mature?
On the other hand, a future mate in the blocked space may not be aware of his potential great boyfriend personality. To be fair, young Christian women don't make it easy for this type of guy. We're either driven to get married asap (aka they went to a Christian school and major in Mrs.) or we want time to enjoy our 20s career and social wise. We are the ones sending mixed signals more often than guys, I would argue.
I know I sent them to my last boyfriend and that contributed to our "failure to communicate." I don't want to get married right now but I wanted to know early on in our relationship (6 months in to be exact) if this was a remote possibility. I think our relationship officially failed the day I happen to be driving with him through the town where my sister's reception was. I pointed out the site and said "isn't that a beautiful house?"
When we broke up two days later, the first words out of his mouth were "It's clear you want to get married. I don't know if I'll be ready to, even a couple years later." Not 3 months before we'd talked about where we wanted to be in 5 years and the first thing he said was "I want a wife and children." Looking back, I now realize what he was REALLY trying to say that day was "I don't want to marry you." Throughout our relationship, I tried to take my friend's advice and when it came up I said I really don't want to get married now. In this case it didn't work.
I have yet to know for certain if one can send mixed signals through e-mail when you're doing online dating. If anything, it's a conversation that often takes a while to get going if at all.
I was talking to my friend who's also registered on eHarmony about why guys don't like to email during the Open Communication stage. We concluded that guys are social creatures who would prefer a face to face conversation or at least a phone call.
One of my matches out rightly refuses to move our conversation beyond answering questions I send him. I'm frustrated that he hasn't asked me any questions and really only wants to talk about business topics it seems. My friend suggested giving him my cell number to see if he's different on the phone. Frankly I have no motivation to at this point. He's coming off as a someone very set in his ways: work and more work. But I'm trying truly to give him the benefit of the doubt...
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