From Esquire Magazine:
The first rule of manhood is that they are in charge. Give it up. Realize they're smarter and better looking. We don't have a chance. You have to do everything you can to help yourself.
A woman comes to a table and you're supposed to get up. Period. But I don't always do it. In general, you're supposed to do it every time. But sometimes you're seated against the wall and it's awkward.
Never guess a woman's age. Never guess a woman's weight. Never even talk about weight in front of a woman. And never, ever ask a woman when she's due.
Tipping your hat to a lady is good form. If you're at a dinner table, you'd most certainly take your hat off—cowboy hat, baseball hat, or otherwise.
Women always go through the door first. Even ardent feminists would admit it's nice. It's not an acknowledgment of women as the weaker sex; it's perhaps an acknowledgment of women as the stronger sex. We follow.
Never pass a woman a single roll, even if she says, "Don't pass them all over." Don't do it. Bring her the whole basket. Some things are a trick. I can hear the phone conversation later on with a girlfriend, "I asked him to pass a single roll. And he did!" It's a trap.
There's etiquette to listening: If they're talking, shut up. Just shut up. Simple enough?
In our modern world, what constitutes a thank-you note? Being able to dash off a text message has enabled me to be more immediate and less guilty. I believe the old adage that the sooner you write a thank-you note, the less you need to write. I realize that among real sticklers for manners, e-mails and texts would be verboten, but I think they can convey genuine sentiment.
Never look in a woman's purse—invited or uninvited. Especially invited. Just refuse. Bring her her purse, don't fish around in there. We don't know what's in there, and we don't want to know.
Who are these guys that order for women? Never order for a woman. You're going to tell a woman what to eat? Never tell a woman anything. Ask. And be grateful for whatever reply you might get.
The idea is that you'd be like Cary Grant or George Clooney, in a graceful ballet of walking down the street, opening the door, and ushering a young lady into a limousine. But I'm really more like Maxwell Smart. I was opening a door for my fiancé today and I stepped on the back of her shoe and almost knocked her over. It happens a lot.
—As told to Andy Langer
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
You're Single Until You're Married
If you're a regular user of Facebook and/or MySpace you'll notice that one of the "About Me" items that many of your friends pay attention to is your status. A few weeks ago I changed my status on Facebook from "Single" to private because I didn't want anyone to know I'm single. A few people (the married ones actually) excitedly asked: Does this mean you have a boyfriend now? Alas I do not have one but I count myself lucky that I'm not changing from Married to Single as one of my "friends" of Facebook is currently facing. In fact, she's addressed this status issue by saying "There's no 'Almost Divorced' on Facebook but that's my current status."
Of course, this is the first girl in my age group to go through such a traumatic experience. I'm not going into the details but let's just say I'm on her side, not that I was remotely friends with her soon t/b ex-husband.
Whenever someone I know gets divorced, it really shakes me to my core and unfortunately compounds my anxiety about getting married. I'm lucky in that I have many outstanding examples of marriage in my nuclear family however that is just not enough of a comfort to me. Even if I got a pre-nup, there's not an emotional clause to it by any means. There's no financial award if someone says to their spouse one day "I never loved you" or "If I have to be with you one more day, I'm going to kill myself." I can't imagine saying that to my husband never, ever!
I'm more than content taking care of someone for the rest of their life if they ever became sick or disabled, as I've seen lovingly done. I believe in marriage vows, whatever form they come in. I believe they are as important as the marriage license you sign and file after the ceremony.
What does all this have to do with the title to this entry? Well, my friend's been going through a lot of growing closer to God regarding her status. While she has been dating the same guy for over a year, she says that she's single until she's married. She feels free to date other men and doesn't mind if he dates other women. Now most people would label this an "open relationship" right? I admire her gumption to expect nothing in the form of a commitment until they are married.
Unfortunately in my case, I attract the commitment phobic, sans my first boyfriend. He was more of the over-committed type and it drove me insane. My resolve to meet a guy 'where he's at' often means minimal communication yet consistent outings. It means nothing on Valentine's Day but a gift on my birthday that I pick out. He's the type of guy who wants me to be happy while I'm actually in his presence, but doesn't really give any thought to the larger picture of how I get joy out of life.
I'll give you an example. Yesterday I went to a gym with this guy I've been getting to know. He had a free pass to his and asked if I'd like to go. Now if there's one place I hate it's the gym. I've tried it, alone and with people, and it's just not for me. I'm more of a team sports or yoga class chicka. However, I've been trying to meet him where's he at so I said okay. Now, my girlfriend above would freak if she knew I did this because it means I'm not showing him who I really am, I'm just being too damn accommodating.
Let's just say, when we left two hours later, he said "You didn't get a lot out of that did you" or something to that effect. I did, truly I did. I walked a couple miles, did a modified yoga thing on my own. Basically, since we're at different fitness levels, hello did he not know that going into this?, there's was very little chance we'd actually have spent much time together. The whole encounter was a clear indicator of just how out of sync we are. He was there and I was over here we checked in with each other but our routines couldn't be any different. It's kind of like we happened to be there at the same time and just walked in and out with each other.
Anyway, he's such a nice guy when I actually spend time with him I'd pretty much do any activity he suggested. However, the lesson I learned is next time be up front and say "look I'm not a gym rat but since it's free I don't mind trying it out" I'm just really really afraid he's going to disappear again out of my life and I actually like having him try out for a place on Team Maggie. I swear I'm making shirts one day people and maybe you'll be lucky enough to get one!
Of course, this is the first girl in my age group to go through such a traumatic experience. I'm not going into the details but let's just say I'm on her side, not that I was remotely friends with her soon t/b ex-husband.
Whenever someone I know gets divorced, it really shakes me to my core and unfortunately compounds my anxiety about getting married. I'm lucky in that I have many outstanding examples of marriage in my nuclear family however that is just not enough of a comfort to me. Even if I got a pre-nup, there's not an emotional clause to it by any means. There's no financial award if someone says to their spouse one day "I never loved you" or "If I have to be with you one more day, I'm going to kill myself." I can't imagine saying that to my husband never, ever!
I'm more than content taking care of someone for the rest of their life if they ever became sick or disabled, as I've seen lovingly done. I believe in marriage vows, whatever form they come in. I believe they are as important as the marriage license you sign and file after the ceremony.
What does all this have to do with the title to this entry? Well, my friend's been going through a lot of growing closer to God regarding her status. While she has been dating the same guy for over a year, she says that she's single until she's married. She feels free to date other men and doesn't mind if he dates other women. Now most people would label this an "open relationship" right? I admire her gumption to expect nothing in the form of a commitment until they are married.
Unfortunately in my case, I attract the commitment phobic, sans my first boyfriend. He was more of the over-committed type and it drove me insane. My resolve to meet a guy 'where he's at' often means minimal communication yet consistent outings. It means nothing on Valentine's Day but a gift on my birthday that I pick out. He's the type of guy who wants me to be happy while I'm actually in his presence, but doesn't really give any thought to the larger picture of how I get joy out of life.
I'll give you an example. Yesterday I went to a gym with this guy I've been getting to know. He had a free pass to his and asked if I'd like to go. Now if there's one place I hate it's the gym. I've tried it, alone and with people, and it's just not for me. I'm more of a team sports or yoga class chicka. However, I've been trying to meet him where's he at so I said okay. Now, my girlfriend above would freak if she knew I did this because it means I'm not showing him who I really am, I'm just being too damn accommodating.
Let's just say, when we left two hours later, he said "You didn't get a lot out of that did you" or something to that effect. I did, truly I did. I walked a couple miles, did a modified yoga thing on my own. Basically, since we're at different fitness levels, hello did he not know that going into this?, there's was very little chance we'd actually have spent much time together. The whole encounter was a clear indicator of just how out of sync we are. He was there and I was over here we checked in with each other but our routines couldn't be any different. It's kind of like we happened to be there at the same time and just walked in and out with each other.
Anyway, he's such a nice guy when I actually spend time with him I'd pretty much do any activity he suggested. However, the lesson I learned is next time be up front and say "look I'm not a gym rat but since it's free I don't mind trying it out" I'm just really really afraid he's going to disappear again out of my life and I actually like having him try out for a place on Team Maggie. I swear I'm making shirts one day people and maybe you'll be lucky enough to get one!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
True Love is Being a Yankees Fan
With only one more day left before Spring Training begins down in FL for the Yankees '08 and it being the day before V_day, here are my thoughts on true love:
1. True love does mean having to say you're sorry.
2. True love means that you are accepted for your flaws and fabulousness
3. True love means knowing when to speak and when to shut up
4. True love means having the best interest of your beloved at heart.
5. True love means giving more love than you take.
6. True love means that you feel the fear and do it anyway.
7. True love means that when you feel taking your beloved for granted, you don't.
8. True love means leaving Post-Its or texts for your beloved if you don't see eachother a lot.
9. True love means picking dirty clothes off the floor and putting your beloved's stuff (keys, shoes) in a place where s/he can find it again.
10. True love means not being afraid to love.
While I've never actually had a dream or a fantasy of the type of guy I'd like to marry someday, this list is what I think makes a long-term relationship work. Basically it boils down to acceptance and self-less acts of love. What I used to be afraid of most is someone abandoning me when I truly needed him. When that happened to me a year ago, I was a mess for a couple days. Quickly I waked up and realized I could move on and grow as a person.
Now I accept that at some point, everyone we love is going to abandon us when we need them. While I would not say that death is abandonment, it's still pretty permanent.
As I'm dealing with the imminent death of my last grandparent, I realize that what I have to remember Gram. The memories of all the cultural excursions to museums, which later fostered my love of art history. The memories of baking cookies or having tea in her kitchen made me a Food Network addict and has fostered my daydream of someday making cupcakes for a humble living :).
Finally, let me wrap up this entry with addressing its heading. I've been a Yankee fan since I was in utero. I only get to about one game a year but I do what I can to support my Bronx Bombers. While they haven't had the best season as of late and former Yankees are getting dragged into court over the steroid scandal, I will always heart my Yankees.
1. True love does mean having to say you're sorry.
2. True love means that you are accepted for your flaws and fabulousness
3. True love means knowing when to speak and when to shut up
4. True love means having the best interest of your beloved at heart.
5. True love means giving more love than you take.
6. True love means that you feel the fear and do it anyway.
7. True love means that when you feel taking your beloved for granted, you don't.
8. True love means leaving Post-Its or texts for your beloved if you don't see eachother a lot.
9. True love means picking dirty clothes off the floor and putting your beloved's stuff (keys, shoes) in a place where s/he can find it again.
10. True love means not being afraid to love.
While I've never actually had a dream or a fantasy of the type of guy I'd like to marry someday, this list is what I think makes a long-term relationship work. Basically it boils down to acceptance and self-less acts of love. What I used to be afraid of most is someone abandoning me when I truly needed him. When that happened to me a year ago, I was a mess for a couple days. Quickly I waked up and realized I could move on and grow as a person.
Now I accept that at some point, everyone we love is going to abandon us when we need them. While I would not say that death is abandonment, it's still pretty permanent.
As I'm dealing with the imminent death of my last grandparent, I realize that what I have to remember Gram. The memories of all the cultural excursions to museums, which later fostered my love of art history. The memories of baking cookies or having tea in her kitchen made me a Food Network addict and has fostered my daydream of someday making cupcakes for a humble living :).
Finally, let me wrap up this entry with addressing its heading. I've been a Yankee fan since I was in utero. I only get to about one game a year but I do what I can to support my Bronx Bombers. While they haven't had the best season as of late and former Yankees are getting dragged into court over the steroid scandal, I will always heart my Yankees.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Defining Karma
I'm feeling a little unsure if my disdain for Tom Brady's personal life choices is justified. I thought that his loss last night in the SuperBowl was karma coming back to him for ditching his pregnant girlfriend. But as I looked into the specifics of both what karma is (and is not), I concluded that:
1. Their breakup and the pregnancy announcement thereafter may not be related
2. Karma has nothing to do with revenge, retribution or punishment. It is simply a sum of what an individual has done, is doing at present, and will do in their future.
The Giants victory last night was simply a tremendous effort that paid off. In what little I know about football (Friday Night Lights, mostly), it seems that no matter how much you practice when you get to the game of your life like a Super Bowl when there's thousands of people in your space and a camera every where you go, it's any wonder you can play well with all that distraction. The last quarter was where all the action happened, and from what I remember of past Super Bowls, that's usually when it all happens. Thirty seconds turns into five minutes of play time and that perfectly executed toss from the QB to the guy who catches it in the end zone is truly a miracle to watch. Plus even though he's engaged, I still heart Eli Manning.
1. Their breakup and the pregnancy announcement thereafter may not be related
2. Karma has nothing to do with revenge, retribution or punishment. It is simply a sum of what an individual has done, is doing at present, and will do in their future.
The Giants victory last night was simply a tremendous effort that paid off. In what little I know about football (Friday Night Lights, mostly), it seems that no matter how much you practice when you get to the game of your life like a Super Bowl when there's thousands of people in your space and a camera every where you go, it's any wonder you can play well with all that distraction. The last quarter was where all the action happened, and from what I remember of past Super Bowls, that's usually when it all happens. Thirty seconds turns into five minutes of play time and that perfectly executed toss from the QB to the guy who catches it in the end zone is truly a miracle to watch. Plus even though he's engaged, I still heart Eli Manning.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Impulse Lost
I was reading on another's blog that a crush is one of our original human impulses. I think it's part of our need to feel some connection to another human being. I would say I have had a least one crush a year since I was a little girl. My first was probably my imaginary friend Jack (yes I think you can have a crush on an invisible friend). Then throughout elementary school, it was Seth the other quiet one in my class who lived around the corner from me. Middle school was a blur and I just kept my head down so I guess I didn't really have one then. High School that was a also a akward time for me but there was this one guy who was always nice to me, Steve K. He never teased men like the other guys who were trying to get me to come out of my very shy personality. I still have a picture of him I took from the yearbook scraps of candids. I'll skip the next couple years but I was an uber nerd in college and didn't let myself get distracted by crushes. My first job after college was the first time I became aware of a guy having a crush on me, and that was so cute. Usually it ended in me going out with him a one time but then finding out I felt ABSOLUTELY nothing for him, poor schmuck. At my next (and current) job, the same thing happened except this time I became friends instead of pursuing dating because I knew it wouldn't work and I didn't want to get in trouble either at work.
Now I've just gotten over my latest crush. It was someone I think I've reconnected with but now I realize that he's just not that into me. I've spent about two months making a casual effort to show that I'm interested in him but I guess it just didn't work. He's not the most open person, it takes a while to get to know him but what I know I like about him. I think my crush was solely based on the way he treats me when we're actually in each other's company. Otherwise, he's pretty much MIA in my every day life. I get the sense (not I can't exactly prove it) that the only regular contact he has is checking my MySpace page (and really does that count,I think not).
While I'm currently living a "dwell in possibility" mode, I've got a lot of things I want to do with my life and waiting around for him to decide if he's into me or not is not something I want to do anymore.
Now I've just gotten over my latest crush. It was someone I think I've reconnected with but now I realize that he's just not that into me. I've spent about two months making a casual effort to show that I'm interested in him but I guess it just didn't work. He's not the most open person, it takes a while to get to know him but what I know I like about him. I think my crush was solely based on the way he treats me when we're actually in each other's company. Otherwise, he's pretty much MIA in my every day life. I get the sense (not I can't exactly prove it) that the only regular contact he has is checking my MySpace page (and really does that count,I think not).
While I'm currently living a "dwell in possibility" mode, I've got a lot of things I want to do with my life and waiting around for him to decide if he's into me or not is not something I want to do anymore.
Monday, January 28, 2008
I Left My Heart in NYC
While I never want to actually live there, I'm still not over my job moving out of the city a year and a half ago. I miss the smells, sounds, crowds, and just the energy that keeps the city going. There was a whole list of things I wanted to do in the city that I never got around to doing: Go to Central Park after work, Go to a show after work for example. On the other hand, there were so many things I hadn't planned that I will never forget:
- Going to MoMA during the "Free on Fridays"
- Going to the House of Brews after Work
- Eating way to much at a German Beer Garden in Hell's Kitchen
- Having a birthday dinner at a Cuban Restaurant
- Having a weird first date at a Cafe featured in "In Good Company"
- Having a sweet first date at Bryant Park
- Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge in the winter
- Finding Christmas presents at Jack's
- Worshiping at NY Journey in the Manhattan Ballroom on Sundays
- Going to Zabar's during my lunch break
I wasn't exactly thinking of all those things when I was out with my date on Friday night. We had been in Edgewater for dinner and a movie and I was pretty sure we were close to this neighborhood in Weehawken that has a fantastic view of the city skyline. As I had been the whole night, my babbling self said " I think there's a great view of the city on a street around here." He didn't say anything but just found his way over there and pulled over. It was past midnight and freezing winter weather but I didn't care.
We haven't been spending a lot of time together and he's not exactly an overtly affectionate person, so I would've been very surprised if he'd finally use this moment to do anything. He just stood there and shot a video on his cell phone (which I have to upload if only I had more software to do it errgh). I thought that maybe I'd at least try and hold his hand but I wasn't getting any sort of green light on this move, so I just kept it to myself. But oh would that have been a perfect first kiss moment, in the chick flick paradigm that I clearly will never live in.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
I'm Just Too Nice
"Really you don't owe me anything, I just like spending time with you. You don't have to hold yourself accountable to me for how you spend your time'
WTF did this come from inside me? I'm letting him off the hook for saying he'd call when he never did. He admitted he was a jerk BUT he's been really busy with work and some rec. thing he does. My girlfriend has been advising me to let this one go, if I'm treated this way from the beginning it only sets a pattern for future behavior. So I've got a dilemma on my hands. I want to be sympathetic of how demanding his job is but I'm going to know for certain sooner than later if he's just not that into me. I'm in denial of the fact that this is a strong possibility.
Oy vey!
WTF did this come from inside me? I'm letting him off the hook for saying he'd call when he never did. He admitted he was a jerk BUT he's been really busy with work and some rec. thing he does. My girlfriend has been advising me to let this one go, if I'm treated this way from the beginning it only sets a pattern for future behavior. So I've got a dilemma on my hands. I want to be sympathetic of how demanding his job is but I'm going to know for certain sooner than later if he's just not that into me. I'm in denial of the fact that this is a strong possibility.
Oy vey!
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