It Is What It Is

I had dinner with my good friend from college last night at her new apartment. First of all, she's an amazing cook and with my newly acquired wine selection skills we had a great meal. After eating her delicious gnocchi with tomatoes and black olives we sat down to talk about what else- boys. Or is it men after you reach your mid-20s?

Anyhow, we talked about why our last relationships failed and what we hope for our next one. We're both interested in older men at this point in our life but they don't always come without baggage. Her current interest is divorced with a son and ex living in Europe. Mine is someone I knew before but thought I was too young to date but now I know who I am and want another chance.

My friend and I have more or less the same core values: family is important but we are also independent, strong women. We want the security and selfless love that a good marriage brings so that we can "hopefully" have children to add to dynamic later on. Both of us are in that "ugh" stage of our careers where we still have to pay our dues and our salary shows for it. So our course when an older guy comes in our lives and pays for EVERYTHING, its exactly what we want but (at least for me) takes some getting used to.

Usually the first three dates with someone new, the guy offers to pay for me. Then all of a sudden everything is split down the middle or he "forgets his wallet" and I have to pay. I really don't like that shift in expectations, never have never will.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is I've lowered my expectations so much, that they're flat line. I made this mistake last week when I drove myself to a date that I wish he'd picked me up for, which is initially offered to. I'm so used to being let down or left stranded that deep down I didn't trust him to be true to his word. Oh boy did I get yelled at last night when I told my friend what I did. She exclaimed "Maggie you're such a guy. If he offers to take care of you, just let him."
She was right- I think like a guy and look where it's gotten me.

Well, my date last week said he'd call and he hasn't gotten around to it. I don't know where I stand, is he into me or not? The "guy" in me wants to be direct and ask him... but that's really the blunt woman in me.

So, my friend and I concluded last night, when it comes to new relationships with older guys- it is what it is.