Baby It's Cold Outside

Yesterday afternoon, I had the pleasure of singing "Baby It's Cold Outside" with my very talented co-worker Nick at my office Christmas Party. We'd only practiced twice right before the party start and I fudge a little in the first verse. But an hour and a glass of campagne later, I nailed it. The rest of the afternoon, I was complimented to the hills for how much joy it brought everyone.

I'm not great at taking compliments but I did my best to be gracious and smiled a LOT. I was pleasantly surprised how awesome this party was. From the decorations, to the spread to seeing people I work with all in one room enjoying some time off to celebrate.

When I woke up yesterday morning, I had a lot weighing on me. Mostly worrying that I haven't save enough and that I'm going to have to rent my place out and move back home. I prayed that God would make me smarter and wiser about this issue because I have to believe that he wanted me to own my own home so why would he take it away just 6 months into it. I've made some adjustments like majorly increasing my church tithe. After hearing a Journey sermon about the levels of giving, I knew I was disobyeing God by only give when I felt I had enough and then only giving 5%.

Don't get me wrong, I got exactly what I wanted in terms of personal space. I have my beautiful Home Depot Christmas tree up. I even had some energy to make an ornament last night with some leftover craft stuff at my parent's house. I have four more to make when I feel like it. And I like having my own kitchen and am still learning what I can make for dinner and not be too tired. I will keep using my crockpot that's for sure.

Grown Up Christmas List

I've been saying "Merry Christmas" a lot since last weekend and I really mean it. While Brad in my choir was like "woah we just finished Thanksgiving" I feel like it's time to celebrate the impending madness, ahem I mean blessing that is Christmas.

Here are things that I can't actually posess as presents but I would like to get for Christmas:

1. I want to watch my nephew try to unwrap a Christmas present
2. I want my sista E to have a healthy baby
3. I want my best friend's business to finally launch this coming year
4. I want to find a way to teach full-time and quit my day job
5. I want to take a trip with George in which I'm actually not exhausted before we actually get there
6. I want to make time to really launch my TS business so I stop worrying about having enough money. What is enough money anyhow? I've always done okay. Anyhow...
7. I want my other best friend to find the love of her life this year


That's it, oh yeah and if I could get a day off before I turn 29 that'd be nice too!

What Goes Around, Comes Around

I'm in the middle of a quandary. My mom's brother has mostly absent from our lives, expect when one of his wives each took a brief interest in us. Now he's trying to make us feel bad about what to do with the remaining pieces of my Gram's life that he hasn't already hoarded for himself or given away to charity (without asking us first). His 3rd wife (he's been through all of them in my lifetime so that makes an average of 8.5 years/wife) took my Gram's ring and turned it into jewelery as soon as it couldn't be worn anymore.

I was lucky to get a lovely few pieces of storage furniture and lots of china. But now all of a sudden, I asked for some figurines and I have to send a letter to the estate lawyer. Geez, thanks a lot!

When my other Grandmother passed away about 14 years ago, my aunt went through her things and mailed us a lot of things both of sentimental and monetary value. She neither charged us nor made us sign a letter of receipt.

The stark contrast in these situations has made us all particularly confused about his intentions or lack thereof. I cannot say anymore because it gives power to an absurd situation that the estate lawyer can mesh out.

I just miss my Gram now more than ever!

Fake It 'Til You Make It

I had a very enlightening weekend in the domestic department. I hosted my third house party, this time pitching my new part-time gig, Tastefully Simple. I was a nervous wreck and finished setting up moments before my first guest arrived. She was an old friend and it was nice to start off with just her instead of a bunch of people at the same time. I learned that as a business owner, I'm better interacting one on one to close a deal. In fact, the business model I'm using pretty much requires it or else you could lose the sale in theory.

I did the clean up in stages, a little before and a little after dinner, while George and his friends chatted in my living room. Much to my surprise, I was not completely wiped out when the evening was done. I think it was because I'm as involved as I want to be in this job, I set my own hours, etc.

Yesterday, we took half the party area down and I counted out my sales, not too bad for 3 hours work.

Today, back at my day job, I found out one of my co-workers left my business card out and our nosiest co-worker inquired. Since I'm keeping this biz to myself from my boss, I just let them believe I'm a caterer on the side. I didn't want to explain that I'm in direct sales, not food service.

Cliques are Cliche

The closer the date of my high school reunion comes, the more I'm relieved that I cannot go. The notes are popping up on Facebook "are you going?" between my classmates. The class prez. reached out to me last week to find out and I politely said no. I do not want to "re connect" withpeople I frankly thought were stuck up and shallow. The friends I have from high school I keep tabs on via Facebook now but that's it.

In an interelated issue, apparently the national average age to tie the knot is 28. In an increasingly alarming frequency, wedding pictures are going up like a Trojan horse on Facebook. There's a lot of clevage, expensive floral arrangements, and an absurbly large amount of bridal attendants. These are the same girls who went to the prom at least three out of four years, with a different dress each time. They are marrying older men or at least guys that graduated ahead of us in h.s.


I've officially lost interest in reading the NYT's Vows column because I simply cannot take another sappy "how we met" story. Instead I make George recall in his own words what it took for him to ask me out. That's enough for me for a while. He's stuck with me, no refunds no exchanges. That's a whole of a lot cheaper and less stressful than joining this tidal wave of wedded bliss that I'm letting pass me by.


I am a "road not taken" girl, I don't follow trends- I'm a classic which means I will never go out of style and I do my best to follow the rules. For now that means thriving in dating bliss with George.

What am I looking forward to?

1. Carols in the Round: my 11th year and counting! Good times and a great way to get into the holiday spirit.

2. Making Thanksgiving dinner for my parents: I'm not making turkey but that's the way we like it.

3. Launching my TS business: The market is bad for jobs so you have to make up your own work these days it seems. I'm ear-marking the moola to pay off my windows. I really want to built my business enough to make this a year round gig and have more control over my working hours.

4. George's vacation: I don't know when he's going to get off of work but it better be soon! He REALLY is more than overdue for a break and I want him to enjoy it.

5. The 'Jamin's first Christmas: He's officially hit that curiosity stage of being a toddler. Yesterday he was found licking the pedals to my sister's piano and he likes to take the plastic covers off the floor vents. That can only mean one thing: wrapping paper madness ahead!

To Do List

One of the things i totally took for granted when I lived at home was that things were done behind the scenes. If a lightbulb was burned out, my Dad put them up too high for me to get a new one so I'd ask him to get me one and he'd fix it himself. Now I've had a broken light bulb for over two weeks that I have yet to fix. That and the paint job in my room that remains undone and in my bathroom as well.I see these things every day and try not to let it drive me crazy... I'm detail obsessed sometimes when it comes to my house.

My shopping priorities have shifted from stuff for myself to stuff for my condo. Home Depot has replaced Borders for my entertainment monies. Thank goodness George picks up the food tabs because we eat out a LOT :) haha!

On Friday I have another small party at my house and am excited that my neighbor ladies are coming. It's a small gathering but still I want my house to look just right. I got more than half of the cleaning and food prep done last night so tomorrow it's just the finishing touches with George's help.

De Ja Vu

My grandmother's memorial service was yesterday afternoon and 3 weeks in the making. The closer I got to the event, the more anxious I was to get it over with. Don't get me wrong, I loved her and all but it was the people who attended that got me nervous. They were all meeting George for the first time and I had to put on a somber face and talk to everyone in the room that sought me out. First of all I knew wearing heels on linoleum would be an amusing experience luckily I rewarded myself by wearing my Uggs later that evening.

Anyhow, I can't remember the last time I actually sat in a service at my grandmother's church- 15 years ago at least. I haven't been in PB church as a worshiper for over seven years yet all those feelings and internal eye rollings took place. A few hard-core Calvanist women (young and old) had their heads covered and all the men carried their Bibles even though there was only 1 scripture reading (The Lord is my Shepard).

When it was time to speak my sister, normally very bossy, asked me to speak first. I'd found a cut out of a poem in my gram's papers but forgot to read it. I felt it was best just to focus on my thoughts and be brief. Our song went well and it was over quickly enough.

During the open mike time, only 4 people got up. Not a surprise, this is a church notorious for not speaking openly but instead amongst themselves in clusters after the service. I got a lot of "I was too shy to get up" comments which was just as well. There was one person who got up and spoke about how his family chose this church just to have my gram be his children's teacher. Nowt these children with kids of their own couldn't be any further from living that teaching if they tried. The man's grandaughter whispered during the message "Mommy what is the Gospel?" which broke my heart a little as her mother has taken a polytheistic approach to her religious life.

So afterward, I thanked my high school music teacher for coming and then about 90 minutes later it was over. My mom was in good shape and I got an invite to a wedding in the winter in AZ (maybe).

Love, Stargirl

Here's my brief book review:

Just as I enjoyed the original, the sequel was indeed not a disappointment at all. While the story dragged a little, most likely because I can read way about the grade level it's intended for, I loved the epistolary format.

It was just one long love letter to Leo, her old boyfriend back in Arizona. Stargirl has moved to PA and as usual won the local folk over with her kindness, creativity, and fearlessness.

My favorite part is how she builds a sundial with spatulas on top of a field area near her house. On the winter soltice, they have a grand celebration on site.

I don't want to spoil the rest of the story but it was a great read.

Remembering my Gram

Barbara Sue Sanders nee Nelson was born in Virginia on September 6, 1921 and passed away in peace on September 28, 2008. She attended Ursinus College for two years before transferring to Wheaton College, and majored in pre-med. She met her future husband, Tom Sanders, who worked in the dining hall at Wheaton, where he infamously tried to get her to eat breakfast when all she wanted was a cup of coffee. While she turned him down for breakfast, he did secure a date because her roommate was dating his and the two couples double dated through the end of college.

After graduating from Wheaton, Tom and Barbara were married at her parent's home in the Philadelphia area and they moved to Cambridge, MA where Tom was serving in the U.S. Marines. Upon his honorable discharge, he secured a sales position at Equitable Life Insurance Group in New York City. Upon settling in the NY Metro Area, the young couple began attending the Gospel Hall of Plainfield, now called Terrill Road Bible Chapel.

Barbara's passion for evangelizing to children led her to begin a Monday Afternoon Bible Club (modeled after the clubs run by Child Evangelism) at TRBC. Barbara ran the Monday Club with the help of volunteers for over 30 years. She was also a Sunday School teacher as well as a Vacation Bible School teacher. Barbrara had a life-long heart for missionaries around the world, first as a volunteer at Trans World Radio ministries, then generously contributing to various missionary ministries around the world as well as opening her home to them during ministry presentation at local area churches.

Her passion for classical music, art and gardening also provided additional areas of joy during her 87 years of life. She became a grandmother twice and a great-grandmother this past year.

She has many names: Ma, Gram, Aunt Barbara, Barbara Neni, and simply Barbara. Now she is at her eternal home with her parents, brother and sister, her beloved husband, and many others and most importantly, Her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

History Repeats Itself

When George and I have caught up on everything that's happened in the day since we've last spoken, we usually turn to current events/history. I swear we could talk about this indefinately or at least on a long car trip. Last night's topic was: Is it 1929 again? I heard on NPR early this morning that 28% of American's believe we're in a Depression.

The mood on the train home from Manhattan is grim. I know for a fact there are a LOT of finance guys on my train and they are scared, really scared. I bet they wish now they'd saved a lot more instead of buying a fancy car or a second vacation home. But much like the Roaring 20s people, they lived in the moment and put EVERYTHING on the line.

Donna Nobis Pachem

John 16:33 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."


For the last two days, God has blessed me with a lunch buddy and her name is Lucy. She is one of my co-workers at my day job. And since our office is right across the street from the park, and there's plenty of tables and chairs, that's where we went.

Yesterday we talked about stuff going on in the company and I had my suspicions that there was something familiar about her. So today I simply asked "Where do you go to church?" It turns out our NYC churches are sister churches and are studying similar issues right now.

Since Lucy doesn't have a second job like me, she's really been able to plug in and get involved. I did some volunteering at Journey over the summer after work and LOVED it! It was nice to have one part of my day where my skill set could be used for His Glory. George was also cool about me going (as usual- he doesn't hold me back from anything actually). So it got me thinking: is He calling me to be an admin. for Christ full time?

I have no idea what that will mean but I think I'm going to put some feelers out there and see.

In the meantime, I have been granted some peace through this new sisterhood and when I found out another co-worker is a SIC, I suggested we split up praying for our company in 3 :). We'll see how that goes, if God makes a way it will not be blocked.


EOM

Stargirl

Book/Life Review:
Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli

I didn't read this young adult novel until I was in my mid-twenties and working as a children's bookseller full-time. It was one of those nights when the store was quiet, especially in my department, a Saturday night in fact. I was re-shelving or cleaning and picked up this book to read (when my boss wasn't looking of course).

It's about a girl who's been home-schooled but is now enrolled in public middle school. Umm yeah for all the times to get PULLED out of school to learn at home, this is the time I would personally choose. She is unique to be sure but has a heart for people.

One of the things she is known for early on is bring her bango into the lunchroom to sing "Happy Birthday" to one of her classmates. No one knows how she figures out when their day is and of course they are motified. However, nothing phases Stargirl. That is until the very end of the book, when the narrator Leo, who she's fallen in love, rejects her affection and leaves school.

More later... I have to read the sequel that I JUST found out was published late last year...

Politics as Usual

I'm seeing it where I work, live, and play. Okay not where I play but still it seems I cannot get through a day without someone is making a deal with someone else. I have to cover the backs of a lot of people in my work life but as I learned last week, they certainly don't cover mine. I've been sold up the proverbial river simply because it's apparently in my job description. I won't go into any particular details but let's just say my eyes have been opened to a field of work to which I will never fit into as a career. It's my job, I do it, go out to lunch, come back to finish it and go home.

My career is teaching two nights a week and on Saturday mornings. It doesn't pay nearly 50% of my bills but it has more meaning than my day job ever will. It gives me joy and satisfaction, which is more than I can say most other people feel about their work. Maybe it's because I'm a control freak but being an adjunct is the best job I've EVER had. I have no one watching me expect my students and I don't need to brown nose to ANYONE just to make my day go smoother. As long as my students pass their exam at the end of the semester, I've done my job. I get paid whether or not my students attend class.

Being an educator will never pay well for me and getting full-time work is almost impossible in my field. Last year I applied for a one year position that over 180 other people applied for. This was a 1 year maternity leave yet it received as many applicants as a tenure track position. I read the message boards on CHE weekly and it's not looking to get any better any time soon.

So for now, I have to take my lumps or grief as it were and be grateful. EOM

Is "Rent" Still Relevant?

George and I went to see "Rent" last weekend and the only thought that was running through my mind was- is this play still relevant? No offense to those groupies out ther (and in the theater with us on Saturday afternoon) but I found the issues raised in the play passe and contrived. The AIDS crisis has somewhat passed, with increased awareness and medicines available. I give the play TONS of credit for creating that awareness in the late 90s.

The one issue that I found facinating was regentrification. Call me a yuppie, but I had no problem with Benjamin's attempt to revitalize the neighborhood with a cyber studio- a business that is not past it's prime. He did see the tech. bubble expanding and thought in the long term it would be good for everyone.

The scariest thing about these characters is they are more or less in my age group- late 20-somethings trying to get meaning out of life and finding work that serves their passion. Unlike Roger and Mark, I do have a mortgage to pay so I don't have the luxury of pursing my dream full-time. Right now, it's more like a part-time gig 8 months a year...

Frist Day of School, Year 23

Yes kids, I've been "going back to school" since 1985. I've sharpened my pencils, rustled up some school supplies from my vast collection and got going last evening. This year marks the 3rd year I've been BEHIND the desk. Only one more semester and I qualify for some super special perks at the community college where I adjunct 2 evenings and Saturday mornings for the next 16 weeks. These include: tuition wavers for courses I may wish to take to enrich my life AND a waiver to use the gym for free (not that I seriously see myself taking advantage of that).

Last evening, I taught on one of our sister campuses for the first time. It's in an urban neighborhood. The faculty lot is surrounded by barbed wire, that's how urban it is. The campus police are actually quite better than the ones on our main very suburban campus. The air conditioning wasn't working in our room but I kept plugging along anyhow and only lost one student who couldn't take the heat anymore. Everyone else made it until 9:35 and George called me exactly as the last student was leaving.

He's been so supportive of this part of my life. Luckily it doesn't take ANY time away from the little time we do have to date. I made it that way on purpose, mostly for my own sanity and also out of respect for his limited personal time.

This semester I'm focusing on being a better instructor. That means I planned my lessons differently and I'm using internet technology that I'm familiar with, mainly Facebook. I'm not a big fan of BlackBoard so I decided to build my own platform instead of using the (in my opinion) outdated virtual classroom software.


Let the grading begin... (at lunch and on the train of course!)

9021Uh Oh

This show (old and new) definitely did not define my life during my high school years. In fact, none of the TV shows about high school life produced thus far in my lifetime have not related to my experience.

As my ten year reunion has thus been recently announced for Thanksgiving Weekend at a bar in Hoboken (and George is NOT jumping up and down to escort me- with good reason), I ponder what exactly has changed in the last eighteen years since the Aaron Spelling drama originally aired on Fox.

Well, the show did not take into account any other part of the universe except the brightly lit stucco courtyard campus of West Beverley High and its fancy Rodeo Drive neighborhood. Anyone who's ever been to L.A. knows that outside of that 'hood, it's a ghetto that NO ONE with their daddy's credit card would venture out to.

As a life-long east coaster, I've recently been addicted to watching all sorts of shows set in Cali, mainly "the Hills"- now that truly presents a real picture of life on the West Coast. It's mostly ots of shopping and eating at beautiful restaurants and not a lot of working time. When my favorite peps, LC and Whitney, do venture to the big bad East Coast for work, they are ceremoniously eaten for a power lunch in the Fashion District of NYC.

Anyhow getting back to 90210, there are some tidbits from the new show I found particularly news-worthy. For the sake of keeping them straight, I shall laundry list them:

1. Laurie Louglin as "Mrs. Walsh"-mmm yeah we're actually suppose to believe she's grown up in Kansas... what do we look like Dorothy or something? In my mind, she's always that chicka who snagged Jessie in "Full House" and played cool pseudo mommy to the Olsen Twins. Watch out world if those two make a cameo in the new 90210.

2. Blow jobs before school in the student parking lot: mmm yeah, where are the rent a cops trolling the parking lots for those hygiene distasters in progress? I know my high school, probably a similar size, had those folks all over the place before, during and after school. The smart kids (i.e. seniors) went during 5-7th period lunch to their houses to get some snooky- I mean spooning.

3. Jeannie Garth as a guidance counselor- Sure she was always trying to deal with her odd up-bringing and getting assaulted more than once during her tenure on the original series. Now she's still solving everyone's problems by sticking her nose in their business. Her baby daddy is either Brandon Walsh or Dylan McKay, or maybe she's not sure. Either way, she's looking to help those who SHE thinks need it, whether they like it or not. Her baby sister, now a teenager, is especially prone to this TLC during her school days. Her character accepts it begrudgingly or maybe she's lapping it up because their mother has yet to win the PTA parent of the year award for all her -self-loathing...woe is I- bit.

4. Rob Estes as a principal- Okay maybe this dude's been getting a lot of TV work lately but he always plays a bad boy and NOW we're suppose to believe he's an upstanding principal who left LA for Dorthy-land because he was embarrassed that his mother made a fortune doing porn work time. Who on earth would recruit a principal in Kansas to work in LA unless he was born and bred there?: And oh yeah, he had a love child with this Wisteria Lane esque type Orange County housewife blondie.


That's all she wrote for now, kids... when's Gossip Girl gonna burn some Prada tracks over these California dreamers? All I can say is, as the Beach Boys said, "I wish they all could be California Girls" but then again they also said "The northern girls with the way they kiss, they keep their boyfriends warm at night".

Peace out!

Enough is Enough

I just said no when my old self would've said yes without thinking. My co-worker just asked if I'd like to do some overtime in the coming weeks. It was nice of her to ask me first but the work is something I loathe doing so I said "no thanks."

This is my new school year resolution. I will say "no" to things I don't like doing and "yes" to things that make me happy or enrich my life. I'm more determined than ever to balance my life in a way that de-stresses me and increases my joy in the every day.

Part of this is slowly making a career transition into education full-time. I think it's going to take about 2-3 years. The only sticking point is health insurance. I can get it for an exorbitant amount from the teacher's union, because I am not a tenured employee. Otherwise, I think cutting the expenses of commuting into the city AND keeping a car will work itself out.


This "just say no" attitude is also extended into my personal life. I spend my days doing other people's bidding for a living so when I'm not working it's nice to have someone take care of me. So I've resolved to not just plan dates with George but to just give him ideas and let him run with it (or not). We have a growing list of potential date ideas now that cooler weather's in our future.

There are two things I think he's looking forward to: dance and skiing lessons for me. I wonder how that's going to go but I'm going to put my best foot forward and give it a real try because it's two activities that are important to him and I have no idea how to do either activity well.

Say What You Need to Say & Home Improvement Dreams

I've needed more time to talk lately and just haven't been given the chance. Either it's too noisy where I'm at or the other person only has a few minutes as always to talk. Talking on the train either way is okay but only if the train is not jammed packed and the conductor's not barking at you about where to sit.

I feel like this resentment is building up inside of me for no good reason and I need to make it go away. I feel like what I do say is not always what I mean it's just what comes out. It's hard when it's a guy because they're not really phone people, most of the guys I know are face time people.

My girlfriends and I could talk for a whole hour on the phone or two hours in person and JUST scratch the surface of things. I had an amazing time with my friend Liz last Friday. She came to my house in the a.m. and we drove to the station together. Then we went to an event after so there was more driving to and fro. It's weird that the more someone gets to know you, the more they know exactly what's rolling around in your head. For example, she asked "So what's it like grocery shopping/ cooking for 1?" It's like she knew I've been struggling with that part of my living alone existence.

I spent a few weeks keeping things in the fridge and cupboards that I let rot because I didn't have time to make them. Almost every afternoon, I'm craving salad and wish I could go home and magically find greens in my produce drawer or have a garden stand nearby my place to pick some up. The one time I bought produce in the city, it was ruined the next day. If this is the only hang up I have about my new living situation, I can deal.

I was feeling really lonely last night after work so I started working on fixing my bathroom. Step one was removing the gunk around the tub and under the window. Step two is figuring out what to do with the boring walls. I've got blue/black subway tile so I'm planning on trying out a mint and pistachio color, brighter than "Springtime" that's in my living room. There's gotta be a way to make it look brighter and paint looks to be the answer. Hopefully when my new windows get put in this fall, I can take down the blind and bring more light in.

Since I have a small amount of girlfriend duty this weekend, I can really focus on my bathroom rehab and I'm so excited about it already and I haven't even picked up my supplies yet.

My Commitment Issues with The Church

I've been going to church since I was a wee little thing in my mommy's belly. That means one thing- I'm really traditional yet chafe at certain parts of that legacy.
The church in my local area has a plethora of denominational choices. With the exception of a church in N. Jersey, when I left my childhood church in 2001, the people who precipitated my leaving ended up in my new church. Now I feel like I'm on the lam from these parts of my past.

For example, yesterday I ran into someone who's known me my whole life, she's about 10 years older than me. She said "Oh my gosh Maggie! I had a dream about you last night that you were drop dead drunk." Now, I haven't actually talk to this lady in over 2years and her parents are very dear to me, so I tried to take this with a grain of salt. Her daughter's name is also Maggie but she was certain the girl in the dream was me!

I have no hard feelings towards the people who made church life as a child filled with dos and don'ts, gossip and rumors. But when they show up in a place it took you over 2 years to settled into, it's not a good thing. About 3 years ago, I moved from this NJ church to another one that my sister and her husband attend. I know how to play by the rules, service to God and membership. I wanted to be left alone and for the most part, I was. I was known as my sister's little sister and not as an individual simply because I never made an effort to define my own niche there. I was a member for about a year and recently resigned my service post to try once again to find my place in a church in NYC I've really enjoyed.

Now the latest struggle is getting there on Sundays. They offer services ALL DAY LONG but it means scheduling my entire day around a two hour block of time. I hardly have time to go pick up my laundry during the week so right now this attitude problem I have about giving up my time (wait it's Gods time but I'm being selfish) to get my butt to church.

I think the problem is I spent so many years going out of habit instead of a desire to worship God. I haven't asked God to give me that passion to fit into a church so no wonder I've been so unhappy for the past seven years. I don't know how to resolve this block Satan's put in my mind except to ask God to give me the heart to make time to worship him on Sunday. I've got the Sabbath rest part of Sunday down (aka I've spent most of the summer as a participant in the Church of the Holy Comforter). I've made excuses why I can't make it (I'm too tired, I just moved and haven't unpacked my stuff, I want to see George, etc.) but if God is not the primary focus of the beginning of my week, how else can I use His Strength to carry me to the next Sunday?

For now, I've decided that as much as going to church inspires the same feelings of dread that going to the gym does, I must have my heart changed to get siked for Sunday worship. I don't know if I have to keep church shopping, I frankly have no desire to continuously start all over and be anonymous anymore. Plus I told George it's important that we go somewhere together. If it means two weeks in NJ and two weeks in NYC, so be it.

Things I Don't Like

Today I completely stopped being in denial that it was time to "balance" my checkbook and get some bills scheduled for payment. This is one of things I do not like to do, I love to have gobs of moula sitting nice and quiet in my account. Here is a list of other things I do not like:

1. Overpriced Rxs
>Really how much of a profit margin do you need pharmaceutical companies

2. My inability to hang anything straight
>>Last week it took me 4x's to place our monthly newsletter at work up on the member board

3. Green Peppers
>>They do not agree with me

4. My new intolerance to cow's milk
>>Goodbye ice cream, pizza, and cheesecake

5. People who think they can change the world (particularly Africa) by wearing a shirt from the Gap
>> I know first hand from missionaries serving on the continent that it's very rare that monies raised gets to the people who need it.

6. Being mis-understood
>> I cannot make myself clear enough sometimes

7. Time wasted on worrying and fretting
>> Aka half my lunch hour today

8. Failing
>> Had this problem since I was in Kindergarten, I'm a recovering perfectionist who took her driving test 3 times and failed 3 languages before she turned 20.

9. People who think I young and naive
>>I may look 18, but I've got the street smarts of a ninja- HA!

10. Faulkner, The History of the Novel seminars, Science Fiction with Aliens, and some other books, film genres, etc. that I should/will blog on separately some day.

Icebuckets

George and I spent the weekend with two different sets of his married friends. There was one thing that stood out to me- married couples have a lot of nice things such as ice buckets. I have no particular use for one right now but when I give a dinner party it would be convenient to have out instead of the open tupperware bucket I use now. I guess my friends could care less- they're not there just for a fancy bucket.

A few months ago, George let me pick out a housewarming gift and my first choice was a silver-ware case. He flat out rejected that idea he wanted to give me something more... I think for every-day use. So he got me a track light for my dining area. I love the light b/c we picked it out together at HD and a few hours and some spackle later, it was up.

And then the post-installation obsession began. It's mainly revolved around the extra chord that's wrapped around the base. Between George and my father's feedback, I think it's more trouble than it's worth to "fix" and frankly I DON'T THINK IT LOOKS BAD. That's all my Dad could rant about the other night when I went home for dinner. That and his criticism of the dessert I schlepped 25 miles home. The last time I brought it home, from another bakery, he LOVED it. This time, he was a little miffed at why I got it. Thanks daddi-oh for reminding me why I'm grateful I don't have to put up with this every night (When I was actually home- not much towards the last year especially). He's just making fun of me b/c I'm not not around much but does it have to sound so much like my sister's ragging.

Last night, it was "you'll never be a good mother and can't handle child birth" all this because my nephew was fussy and I didn't want to change his diaper (not my duty) :).

Strong Women

I watched a Christina Applegate interview this week in which she described her choice to aggressively fight her breast cancer diagnosis with a double mastectomy. Her mother's battled the disease twice and is still alive. I believe Christina felt, like many daughters who've watched their mom suffer to save their boobies, that some things are not worth holding on to.

Towards the end of "John Adams", his daughter, Nabby, also suffers from breast cancer (in the 17th century). Dr. Rush removes one breast but the cancer comes back to the rest of her body shortly thereafter and she passes away. Poor girl had to have her mastectomy without pain killers and without the post-op medicine to help with the pain, etc.

As a survivor's daughter and sister, I'm keenly aware of the fact that it could happen to me. Luckily, my mom and sister caught it early enough it has yet to return. My sister went on the have a healthy son shortly after and my mom is now a grandmother and a 9+ year survivor. I'm doing my part with regular screenings and staying on the pill (if the government doesn't take my right to buy it at a reasonable price away). Keeping those cancer cells asleep is important, but living my life to the fullest is even more important.

Grace and Mortality

I cannot imagine the sheer anguish at the situation Elizabeth Edwards faced when, after fighting cancer, her husband cheated on her. Now that she knows she's dying, she's decided to take the high but painful road of staying the course with her marriage.

Her husband did not extend her such a courtesy by suspending his race when he found out her cancer was fatal. He wasted time on the road with a now fruitless campaign and he cannot get that precious time back.

He now looks like a thoughtless husband on multiple levels. In my opinion,frankly he just took her for granted. I'll say more on this later but for now, John Edwards will never ever get my vote even. He is not trustworthy or worthy on any lelvel at all to run for office. He's suppose to be above all that stuff and put the needs of others first instead of shamelessly pandering to his own.

God, Country, Family

I've been a bit enraptured (or obsessed I suppose) watching last year's HBO miniseries "John Adams". I'm a big fan of Laura Linney's work and she certainly does not disappoint. I'm about 5 hours into the 7 hours of this truly in-depth look at a man I knew very little about but whom I find myself completely fascinated by.

The film, produced in part by Tom Hanks' production company PlayTone, is not only very well filmed aesthetically, it is also so deliberately historical that I now have a greater understanding of the label "Our Founding Fathers". These men: Adams, Jefferson, Hamilton (portrayed in a negative light as too nosy and too pro-Britania), Washington, and Franklin, as each given their due spotlight depending of their particular role. Of course the story revolves around Adams entirely so it is but a rare occasion that Paul Giamatti is not in a scene.

As a woman, of course my greatest sympathy lies with Abigail, who at times calls herself a widow, for she spent more time without her husband than with him. She tolerates his growing obsession with making sure the U.S. properly detaches itself from Britain (he is a man of the law) and establishes itself with the best chance to grow and thrive. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for his own flesh and blood.

He fathers 5 children, I believe, and each one in turn becomes calloused by their father's unrelenting dedication to the new United States of America. His eldest, John Quincy, craves his father's attention, but realizes it may only be had if he continues the legacy of service to his country. The youngest, Charles, becomes an alcoholic, mainly because he felt abandoned at a young age when his John recalled Abigail to Europe for over five years.

On the upside, it appears that Adams had very little time for infidelity. He is encouraged by Ben Franklin to take a mistress in Paris- a gesture he scoffs at. He is faithful to his country first though and completely neglects his wife, even so far as to cease writing her letters when he is abroad and things are not going well. He asks for forgiveness but then regresses back into his old ways again and again.
Back then, divorce on these grounds would've been useless to Abigail and her children but the film makes it very clear that the children suffered into adulthood at the emotional neglect of their father.

Let it be a lesson: Work is work- but family and most importantly God are far more a priority to us today.

True Identity

One of my most admired works of American literature to date is F. Scott Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby". Whenever I mention it, George rolls his eyes and bemoans "but it has a sad ending". Okay that's a valid reader response but why does every work of fiction, etc. have to end like a sappy Hallmark movie?


As I was browsing through a borrowed copy on the train in this morning, it struck me that the story is errily similar to the recent week long saga of a now labeled fake Rockefeller who abducted his daughter. He emerged in the early 1990s on the New York scene, bragging about his trust fund left when his parents died in a car crash. When he tried, unsuccessfully to woo a beautiful woman, he went after her identical twin and caught her. They were married ten years and had the one child. Soon, his house of cards started to fall as his wife filed for divorce and asked for sole custody of their daughter.

I don't know who I feel more sorry for? I guess it's ultimately the innocent child. She had no control overly ambitious father and mother who thought she could move out of the country and pay off her ex-husband to relinguish his parental duty. Now you may be saying, what does this have to do with Gatsby?

He spent the entire novel pretending to be someone he wasn't, just to get a woman to fall in love with him. When she quickly wised up and distanced herself, Gastby's actions were simarily destructive as this fake Rockefeller's.


What is the lesson of Gatsby and this fake Rockefeller? Be careful who you associate with. Anyone who claims to be something s/he is not (i.e. multiple idenities).

Yeah I'm There

I don't watch that much television these days but when I do I keep seeing those Allstate commericials with Dr. McDreemey's voice-over. Anyway, I find that I've been saying that to myself a lot lately.

I'm someone's aunt now (although his mother doesn't like my nickname for him) and I'm paying more attention to things I never thought I would. I'm also a bigger fan of my filofax more than ever. I hate double booking (and over-booking) my schedule but for once I really wanted to get out there this summer and try a lot of new things.

Since summer doesn't technically end until the end of September, I will get my wish of going to a concert in. George bought us the tickets months ago and I've got it on my Facebook count-downs event app.

Speaking of apps, my sister's officially hooked on Facebook. I think it's because she's not working anymore and is home alone during the day but hey if it makes her happy why not?

Last night, George and I had dinner with 3 of my former BN co-workers. We went to the Barn, as usual, to vent and rant. I felt bad that around 10:30 I needed to head home and Paul was in the middle of his vent but I'm sure we'll get together again soonish. The guys at the table all have a computer background and Neil and Paul are looking for computer jobs, so George is going to check around with friends and at his company. I know Paul needs a new position more than Neil but either way a better job opportunity would be a great thing for these guys now. Neil's girlfriend, my self-appointed best friend Sally, and I just smiled as the guys did their tech talk thing.

I was tired this morning but relieved that it's going to be a good week at work. I prayed for that dilligently yesterday morning so I hope it's His Will to come true.
George reminded me yesterday that it's always good to put EVERYTHING to prayer instead of letting it just mull around you head... Yeah I'm there!

It's Just Okay

As I wait for my first mortgage payment check to clear at the bank, I reflect on the fact that I've been in my house almost 2 months now. The first 30 days were a blur of restlessness and unpacking and degunking the previous owner's mess. I couldn't sleep really well but somehow managed because my body was plain worn out from the working full-time, unpacking every night and the dreaded breaking down of the boxes.

Last night, I'm out at TJ's with Mom grocery shopping. First of all, she STILL has this bizarre worry that I'm not eating enough. I have no idea where this comes from. I'm not malnourished but rather a happy, young woman with hips and a sugar belly. When it's this hot, for this long, I simply cannot eat. Everything that's not plain make me ill. I've been eating white bread and hard boiled eggs mostly. I also have to remember to drink anything that' not too sugary or caffinated so that means tea and bubbly water (aka seltzer, mineral or club soda) galor. Every once in a while I'll be rabidly hungry and eat some meat, like this amazing bbq we had on Friday at Hill Country . I ate sausage and one rib, yum!

Okay so anyway, back to my mother and eating. She tried, unsuccessfully to put an entire bag of frozen chicken breasts into my cart. "Ma, I cannot possibly turn my oven on now, it's too hot. I promise I'll eat that stuff in the winter". So she is therefore satisfied when I pick up about 4 or 5 different apps. that will become my dinners for the next week or so. I'll make my own app. sampler. After it's been established that I do eat 3 solid meals a day, she moves onto another pressing question "How do you like your house?"

In the back of my mind, I'm thinking about:
1. The mouse that won't go away and dreading calling an exterminator
2. The ceiling fan whose cover won't go back on after I replaced the bulbs
3. The windows that simply won't open, or as my father says, if you do they won't come back down.

So instead of venting, I simply say "it's fine". She's taken aback, stops in the aisle and muses "well, I thought you'd say more than that". I'm really tired and don't want to start a useless conversation about the fact that now all I think about regarding my house is, when I get extra money for home repair, what should I fix first? I guess it's this to-do list in your mind that creeps in when you've unpacked and decorated but then you see the flaws that you naively overlooked during the one or two times you walked through the house.

Technically, I saw all this stuff when I did walk through but I knew I didn't have the $$ right away to make is shiny and newish. I accepted the fact that my first place, at my age, was going to be your typical diamond in the rough. The bones of the place are good, but it's obvious that quite a few people have sojounrned there over the years. Based on the unsmooth parts of the walls, it's gotta be at least a dozen or so. I can't imagine anymore than one adult living here. It's definitely been rented out, it just has that feeling.

I wish I could somehow, buff the floors to an indeliable shine and take away the bits of gunk that remains there. It bugs me the way that my mother's overflowing freezer does. But I simply don't have the motivation to truly get on my hands and knees and fix it. Oh well, everything's just okay at my new place.

What's on My Mind

I spent a lot of last week thinking about how different my life is right now. I'm now someone's girlfriend and am comfortable with that label; I'm now a homeowner; I now have two jobs and I actually live alone for the first time ever. When I was eighteen, all I could think about is "I wonder what it'll be like to be a teacher?" Now I know the answer to that question- it's cool but it's also a lot of extra work outside of teaching time.

Some of these things above came to me and I brought or sought out myself.The goal and dreams fulfilled in my young adult life bring me joy. However it is also sad at time that my life is so grown up. I have real responsibilities now (yikes like an electric bill in the summer- wooah) and now people expect things from me (show up to work, do work and then do some more work).

I carry as much as I think I can handle on a daily basis, both literally and in my head. Yes I still spend my free time working things out in there and mostly keeping things to myself. I change my mind a lot and it's probably because I don't know what I want. My focus is on what the other person wants. While I don't a lot about work when I'm not there. I'm used to defering to someone else in that part of my life.

Somone recently pointed out I ask questions instead of just coming out and saying what I want. That plus I always carrying a lot of things together or "windows" as a book I recently read labeled having a lot of things on my mind. My mentor in college also noticed that in me and encouraged me to "stay in the present". He wanted me to learn to enjoy the joy of the moment I was living in, not reminiscing the past or planning the future.

It is Well

I've had a rough couple of days living inside my head. I'm still adjusting to living alone and it's getting better all the time (cue the Beatles song "Getting Better").

My heart's been saying a lot of stuff my brain's trying to process. I'm pretty determine to save myself from getting burned out during the coming Fall semester when I'm back at 2 jobs again. I'm working at the college in 2 campuses this semester so that will be a new thing as I go into my 3rd year of teaching-only a few more years before I move up in pay level and a free pass to park and to the gym.

There's a nice loop hole in my job that allows me to work 10-6 coincidentily the days after I've been teaching late (i.e., getting the proper amount of sleep). If I can keep sleeping that will help keep from getting sick.

I'm also putting a hold on planning any special parties at my place for a while, I realized it's too stressful to do my own and without a dishwasher. I love doing it but the clean up I still have to work on :).

I'm also trying to make a transition into going to church WITH someone (i.e. George) on a regular basis. We've agreed that starting in the fall we'll try for 3/4 Sundays at 2 different churches jus to keep engaged in places we both like :).

So with that in mind, I printed out a calendar to write on (in pencil) how I'm going to balance my primary job with my 2nd job. Then it gave me a realistic sense of how much time I have left for myself to spend doing nothing, with my friends/family/George (not necessarily in that order).
Yes it's me people, I have to schedule time to do nothing otherwise I feel unproductive and over-fill my time.


I've also promised myself I will plan NOTHING life changing, goal seeking for the next 12 months as well (i.e., move, buy a house, register non-matric in an academic program). This is hard for me not to seek after anything b/c I've been deliberately working on that for 6+ years. It's time for me to stop and reflect on my accomplishments or whatever I'm suppose to do at my stil youngish age.


I might be traveling to see friends/family (Mississippi and Colorado on seperate trips of course!) when I get the time approved by work-since I'm still new I'm at the bottom of the totem pole. Here's my dream list of vacations:




CS Lewis England Trip


Italy Wine Tour
http://www.italyandwine.net/


Napa Valley Tour
http://www.napavalley.com/


Can you tell I'm now very interested in vino? I think I'll focus on enjoying that hobby this year without pursuing it with my usual in-depth academic like vigor. :)

What is Compromise?

Is it a balancing act, a deliberate choice, or simply yielding to the happiness of another? I guess it depends on what issue you are compromising on and who the other party is. For me it's what church should I attend at present. I really enjoyed going to a church near the train station in Manhattan a few years ago but getting there on the weekends after working two jobs has been a challenge. Yesterday I finally did get there despite the very bad hot weather. By the time I got back, I loved the service but felt like I'd scheduled my whole day around the weekend train schedule. I spend a lot of my time yielding or compromising my time management to a train time table every single work day.

I'm starting to wonder if Satan playing a nasty trick on me about going to church. He knows that I would rather spend the entire day doing what I want, when I want. But I also really enjoy listening to a sermon and worship music live and of course fellowshipping with my brothers and sisters in Christ. Since I graduated from college, I've been to over 4 churches and still haven't found one that's close and has good stuff like preaching and cool but fruitful group outings.

It's my own fault that I was raised in a strictish (not parents but the church) culture of do this not that, or else! It took me a long time to distinguish between what was actually wrong in God's eyes (aka sin) and people's interpretation's of what sin is.

For example, going to church. The Bible does not say that Christians must go to church between the hours of 9am and 12 noon for Sunday School followed by the traditional sermon (or corporate worship) hour. In the church I grew up in, I had the sermon service first with weekly communion (yes kids that ~52 sunday mornings of matzo then grape juice) In my opinion, it should be in reverse so you can swallow the dry cracker but hey Jesus' body was broken then his blood was shed, samantics :)


I met George at a church in NJ that met at night inside a traditional church but was anything but. It had rock music (the Devil's music to my grandmother), candles on the stage with dramatic fabric draping as well as dark lighting (all the easier to slip in and out at your own will my dear). Now I bet you're wondering, Maggie how did you met George if he was always in the dark. Well, I brought night-vision goggles to church of course! No, the essence of fellowship was going out to dinner afterwards at a local restaurant that loved the brisk Sunday night business we brought to their already popular eatery. I can't remember if I ever actually set next to George but he eventually got on my radar, but that's not where I'm going with this entry...

I spent over two years sleeping in Sunday mornings, doing my chores while my parent's were at their church then napping before heading out to my church in the late afternoon. Then I noticed a shift at the leadership of the church and repetition in the head preacher's sermons. I went to the church because I'd been OVER churched as a child. However, I was now in a church for new believers and those who'd been hurt by the church and were looking for a new way back in that was safe and accomodating. I was neither, technically, but I just liked (and still do) the simple variance the "contemporary, casual church". And I love the church in NYC.

The bottom line is this: going to a church WITH George is more important than me going to my NYC church solo. So I've asked him to give NYC another try when the fall teaching series starts up again. In the meantime, I'll grin and bear it at the NJ church and pray for peace and patience in my heart.

Macaroni & Cheese

This is what I've code-name the discussion of "marriage & children" for myself only. I don't think you should bring it up "seriously" in any dating relationship until at least a full year (that's right twelve full months from your first "date"). I bring it up in jest a lot with George, mostly my anti-bride rants. As for the children discussion, I believe doing the church nursery on a regular basis (as I did for the past year) is the BEST birth control/ silence your fertility clock out there!

More on "marriage"...

This week on the train I was reading "Mr. Darcy's Daughters" in which the oldest Camilla, is one and twenty,has absolutely no interest in getting married. She gets ragged on for being a bluestocking (aka a avid reader) by the men and women in her current social circle. They think if she comes off too smart, no good man will want to marry her. Camilla is quite well off, fifty thousand a year (that's 50K pounds sterling in the 17th to you non-Austen fans, so she takes comfort in the fact she does NOT have to marry to keep her current lifestyle.

I find myself in a somewhat similar situation. I just bought a condo and have my first mortgage payment coming up on Aug. 1st. As long as my job's payroll dept. keeps doing a fabulous job, I will have those fund in my bank account by July 30th. My father is especially proud that I'm doing this "on my own" and my mother's adjusting to the fact that I'm financially independent without a husband. I figure if I can do this now, when I'm at the end of my 20s, I've set a good example that it can be done. Simple as that. If I ever get married, I go into the marriage with the financial self-confidence (thank you Suze Orman) that I can survive, food, shelter and all on my own for the next 30 year. Getting married at the appropriate time in my life (or season) would just be an additonal blessing in my life not a financial crutch that many women still rely on.

Growing up in the Evangelical Christian community (third generation), I'm breaking a huge mold of expectation regarding my single status. While I do have a boyfriend and have regularly dated since I graduated from college, I've never accepted a marriage proposal. It just never felt exactly right, I didn't feel like a complete person at the time. What I mean is I felt that marriage at a younger age would prohibit me from living the fullest life I wanted for myself since I was a teenager: a graduate degree and saving to buy a home before the age of 30.

These are now off the TO DO list and now it's back to reviewing that list and see what's next to do. At this point it's more travel and finally working on that novel that every English major has drolling around in her brain since declaring such a unprofitable but intellectually rewarding career path.


More on Children (or as the Freddies of old would say "chillldren chillldren" )

Okay,most naively I accepted the post of Nursery Coordinator at my now old church in NJ. I told the pastor I'd only commit to 1 year and by the very end as volunteers were quitting left and right, I'm glad I did. The year started out with 2 toddlers and ended with: 2 sets of twins and 6 toddlers. By that last service date, the first thing I told George that afternoon was "if that isn't the most effective form of birth control...". His response was a double-take and then he calmly said "well you're not planning on have 8 children are you?" Touche. He was right, he knows that if I were to get married and have children the top number would be three and only if nos. 1 & 2 came out all right and good tempered.

I grew up in a house where my mother's home based business was child care and my first job was as a mother's helper for 5 children in my town. It was a learning experience and allowed me to see how easily over-whelmed a mother can get with multiple children. Enough about the babies, I'm just enjoying being an aunt.

Hello Kitty!

Yes it's true. I'm now the proud owner of a humidifier in the shape of Hello Kitty. The cool steam comes outta of her cute little ears. Why did I buy such a junvenile accessory for my boudoir? Well, it was either that, a penguin or a frog at Target- that's why silly.

I've noticed that my new place is quite, well dry. Not uncommon at all for connected housing units such as much. That plus the windows are too old to open so what happens in my space, stays there until I open my porch door. Example, I made dinner the other night that was quite aromatic to put it lightly. I had the a/c on so I couldn't open the door. So I covered the smell by lighting a candle in my kitchen.


Other amazing things have been happening at my new place.

1. The clock fell down for the second time in a month and is smashed to bits. I came in the other night and George had beat me there and says as I'm walking in "There's been a casualty". I had NO IDEA what this could mean, other than he hurt himself installing the shelf in my bathroom. Then I saw the broken glass. I liked the clock but only really got it out of necessity not b/c I LOVED it. So when I picked out its replacement last night at Target, I took the time to pick one that worked better and is less like to fall.

2. I (and the rest of my neighbors) had no hot water from Sunday am to Monday night. I didn't really need a hot shower but would've enjoyed it after washing dishes for over an hour after my friends went home. I ended up boiling water on the stove and my plug in kettle to get the dishes done properly.

3. There's paint on the walls (and a bit on the ceiling). I've painted my living room Sherwin Williams' "Springtime" and my boudoir "Swimming". Everything looks so much cleaner but I have grand plans of putting up crown molding some day....

4. Everything is just about unpacked. Only one more carton of china at my parents' house. My front room is now clutter free and the far side of my bedroom is now the stashing place since I can't see over there anyhow and don't sleep in that side of the bed.

Pop Candy Link

Phone Home

So I've been under the weather for a couple days so I had to cancel dinner plans last night, which left me with a whole night (6:30-onward) to MYSELF. I sat down a total of 15 minutes to eat dinner but spent the rest of the time listening to episodes of GG on my DVD player and doing little things.

First I cleaned my coffee table, thrilling but necessary as well as shook at the rug underneath it, not as easy as I thought it'd be. Then I cleaned the broom head I clean the hardwood floor with b/c it was overdue.

Finally I set up my vonage (it's been forwarded to my cell, weirding out my mom at the ways of technology once again) as well as the router I got so I could plug in the vonage,etc. So all that's left is the light fixture and some china STILL at my parents house.

Hello. My name is Maggie and I have enough kitchenware and china to last me a lifetime, truly I do.

Meeting my Neighbors

As if having a housewarming party wasn't exciting enough, I've gotten an interesting idea into my head. Most of my neighbors are Eastern Asian and most have families with children. At first I thought it'd be cool to have a tea party but now I need to figure out how to deliver invitations. I don't know ANYONE's name so I guess I could just hand out a card and invite them. We'll see, it's just an idea but I should probably unpack the rest of my stuff before I try and host another event!

A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned...

White collar crime is back people with "2 Former Bear Sterns Excutives Arrested". There's nothing quite as strange as seeing suits escorted into court in handcuffs. These are guys who probably last quarter were sitting in their corner offices on Madison Avenue or Wall Street planning their golf outings around financial earings calls on the links. Now they're busted,

Lyrics to Ray Charles' "Busted":

"My bills are all due and the baby needs shoes and I'm busted
Cotton is down to a quarter a pound, but I'm busted
I got a cow that went dry and a hen that won't lay
A big stack of bills that gets bigger each day
The county's gonna haul my belongings away cause I'm busted.

I went to my brother to ask for a loan cause I was busted
I hate to beg like a dog without his bone, but I'm busted
My brother said there ain't a thing I can do,
My wife and my kids are all down with the flu,
And I was just thinking about calling on you 'cause I'm busted.

Well, I am no thief, but a man can go wrong when he's busted
The food that we canned last summer is gone and I'm busted
The fields are all bare and the cotton won't grow,
Me and my family got to pack up and go,
But I'll make a living, just where I don't know cause I'm busted.

I'm broke, no bread, I mean like nothing.."


Maybe they do have some bread to eat but their cash reserve is bound to dry up quickly. Wives will be divorcing them and ailimony bills will come due soon enough. They'll be sitting in an orange jumpsuit instead of Hugo Boss or Brooks Brother and Lifetime will not be making a movie about their prison stay (see "Martha Behind Bars").

In other semi-related news, I found out the CEO of my old company is g-o-n-e and they're shutting down the office I set up and hauled ass to, to sit there for someone to show up maybe once a week to use the space. I was tipped off when the old HR director called to ask if the office furniture was leased or owned. I left her a v.m. with the particulars and called her assistant when I knew she wouldn't be there to get the d.l.

All I can say is I got out JUST in time, I mean that place is either moving its operations abroad or it will not exist by year's end, IF they're lucky. I suspect this year's annual shareholders meeting will be quite "dramatic" to say the least.

I can't wait to talk to George about this! He's on his first business trip and it's been amusing for him (my words, not his). As a finance MBA and a history buff, he has very little tolerance for the old-money upper class movers and shakers. More on that later....

Home Depot Is Like...

I feel like I just gave birth to my first child. My body aches and up until last night I had almost a week of sleep deprevation. My house is still not unpacked but it's so close I can see the floor. My kitchen is getting a lot of action, of course, but I have zero desire to unpack or unwrap anything else, I feel like all I do when I get home is open things. My hands look like they've been run through a meat grinder. I've been to the garbage cans at least once a day, so for a girl who never took the trash out more than once a week, it's a new thing for me still.

I've been to the Depot 4 times in 5 days, and only returned things once. Been to the food store 3 times and Wal-Mart two times. My current points card is switching out at the end of the month so I'm trying to squeeze two more coupons outta the program.
I still get lost in Depot and prefer to go the store near by office if possible but you can't exactly carry two resin chairs home on the train, can you?

Tenacity over Stupidity

Well, it ain't over 'til it's over. But as of 25 hours ago, I became a homeowner after over 90 days of Baby Mama Drama. The seller left behind a hideous bistro table set and some odds and ends that will be trashed tonight. When I went under the sink to clean that out he/she had left a bounty of various cleaning products, horray there is treasure for a filthy hair and pistachio shell laden condo. I'm also finding hair pins in places they shouldn't be (i.e. behind the fridge).

I spent about 3 hours there yesterday and about an hour (right after dawn) there this morning getting on with the sorting and making a plan of nesting. I did some cleaning yesterday (bathroom, swiffering, kitchen) and if I can stand up paint tonight after work. My new commute was fine, once I found a seat. I'm going to enjoy not moving two times on the train ride in, that's for sure.

I bought a new properly fitted A/C for the boudoir, thank you Sears but not without some problems with billing address (dummy I put my new one instead of the old one, the changes I made won't take effect until next billing cycle).

In other news I now have a P.O. Box (thank you Timeout Robbie for the suggestion) so that will help me with getting my mail since I'm not exactly sure which mailbox is mine at the complex.

The only place I still have yet to visit is the "basement" to see what my storage if any is available. I'm going to skip the onsite laundry b/c my mother CANNOT imagine me doing it there so I can still have her do it (I know I'll get crap about that dependency from someone).

What else? I think it's just about 4 days until I think everything will be in my place (not unpacked mind you) but at least onsite and I will start sleeping in my humble 710 s.f. condo by Saturday night.

Horray, my seller's stupidity only increased my tenacity (thanks George for labeling me that) to get this place. Oh and one more thing: my mother likes the place b/c there's a lot of children living there. Okay so much for labeling my neighborhood "interesting".

If only I could find a bagel place in Little India and then I'd feel completely content.

When Your Guy Friends Abandon You

One of the very unexpected changes since I started dating George is once my guy friends got wind of it, they completely disappeared. People I was counting on to help me move are suddenly "busy" or said "It's your boyfriend's problem now."

Steve was the first friend to lay low and almost didn't come to the beach with me on M-Day because he didn't want George to get upset. That took a few emails to work out and George ok'd it and Steve had a good weekend I think.

Not that my neighbors would notice but oneweekend, Steve showed up and drove me away with my stuff until we returned Sunday; then the next George showed up, put his stuff in my car and we didn't return until Sunday. Perhaps a century ago this would've made me look like a "loose woman" but truly that was not the case with either trip.

As for my moving helpers, this is a one time favor and it's kinda pissing me off that I can't really get people I can count on. I get it- it's June and they probably have better ways to spend a Saturday. But I can think of many times I was there for these guys and this is the thanks I get?

On another note, I've decided that I'm going to never ever try and play yenta again. I got lucky the one time I set a couple up (they've been married 2+ years now and I never see them :)) but these other guy friends are just impossible to work with. They always come up with a particular reason why my girl-friends wouldn't be a good match for them.

I'm lucky to be sure that things just happened with George, no one had to smush us together or at least continue to seat us together at dinner parties. We were friends for a couple years (yes as opposed to months) so I think that gives us a good head start for a solid foundation.

I'm Addicted to Netflix

I finally gave into the banner ad and joined Netflix. I decided that when I move I'm not going to get a full cable package, just basic. I'm going to watch my fav. cable shows online and watch a LOT of shows on DVD that I've missed over the years or just plain miss. I have 89 DVDs on my lists which include: House, the Office, PeeWee's Playhouse, Inspector Gadget, Sports Night.

I think I love watching DVDs almost as much I love reading but not as much as I enjoy cooking. It's all a balance.

Rebel without a Clue

Thank you George for giving me the title to this latest entry! I spent most of the holiday weekend with a guy friend Steve at the jersey shore. For someone who had major surgery on his leg within the last eight weeks, we sure walked a lot! He admits he's not much of a talker (an ex once labeled him as "aloof") but there are two things he will talk about: the Marines and the women's he's dated. As one who's interested in stories about relationships I break a major conversational taboo and let anyone who wants to share their "ex stories". Well Steve has two in particular that puzzle him. The first is this girl he labeled as "Summit Chick". She was well educated and had a good job but when it came to Steve she eventually began arguing with him because, as she put it "you can't be broken". Hello Summit chick, a Marine cannot be broken anymore than he already was in basic training at Paris Island!

The next ex we debriefed on was "Broadway Chick." I forgot how they met but their brief courtship left Steve completely clueless. It turned out she'd never been asked out before and didn't know what to do, plus she had body image issues. Unfortunately this came to a head when Steve planned a really romantic date and he got her to talk about her ambivalane to dating .


Steve's a great catch and I think these two women gave him the wrong deal. The only caveat with him is his work requires a lot of overtime and an unpredictable schedule. But when he actually spends time with you, it's quality time and he's a gentleman. Anyway, I can understand his frustration is probably not making him want to get out there and meet more women. As he says "the women I meet are either too young and old". All weekend at the shore town, older women were hitting on him left and right (on the Boardwalk and at church mostly). I really want to be his yenta and find him a nice girl. I just hope he's learned from all these experiences that he has to find a balance between pursuit and not trying too hard.

You Just Have to Stand There

Okay so many of you may be thinking of the Beatles song "I Saw Her Standing There" when you see the headline to my latest blog entry here. But it's not really what I'm thinking. Last night I watched a Carlos Mencia special on Comedy Central- one of his last bits was on how women just have to stand there when they meet guys. It's the guys who have to approach you, hit on you, buy you a drink, etc.

Then it's our call whether or not we're interested. So he imitates a guy trying to pick up women in a bar, unsuccessfully by the way, and it always ends with "thank you very much" no matter what happens the guy HAS to be polite. It's true- kindness goes further than rudeness for a woman.

Me and the Real Guy

I realized today that both my match.com and eharmony profiles are still "active" on their matrix and I decided to have them deleted. I've been getting winks from match.com and it was kinda weirding me out. Then I ran into one of my eHarmony matches at church on Sunday. I pointed him out to George and said "yeah once he found out I wasn't to into water he stopped talking to me". Lucky for George as the smile on his face confirmed as we walked into the service.

Have you ever been a situation (dating, work, social) where you went through the motions just to say you did it but really you wanted to be somewhere or with someone else. That's what online dating was like for me. I felt like I was hounding my email box searching for that next message from one of my matches. The ones from Match.com came more frequently than the eHarmony ones. I remember this time last year getting an email from one of my eHarmony matches talking about who knows what, he lived in CT and wasn't too kean on church (a Joel Osteen fan errrgh) but still I was chatting with him hoping beyond hope it would turn into something.

What I've realized with George is that he actually wants to spend time with me that's why he pursues me. None of my matches really knew "me" the way he does, the real life version of me. Not the blow up doll that an online dating profile makes you look. Sure my personality comes through a bit but truly it's not designed for people like me who can clearly express themselves in words.

I was watching "Lars and Real Girl" and to some extent understood why he wanted to have that virtual relationship. He wanted a connection to someone (of the opposite sex) who wasn't obligated by familial bond to chose to be with him. Bianca, his doll love, is what he (and eventually his neighbors/friends in town) make her.

Since I've known George for many years, although I can't remember clearly the first Sunday we met. Oh yeah I do actually, he was getting out of his friend's car as I was and we walked in all together to sit in church. Anyway, since we've been friends for a while and regularly communicate he was the first person I called when I broke up with my last boyfriend. I waited a whole two days to call George on the premise of taking him out to dinner since I missed his birthday party. Anyway, I was sitting there thinking "God this is the guy I should be dating" and then I let it go. I bugged our mutual friend to help me out but he said George takes him time with important things like that so I had to wait until George was ready to pursue me. I think what helped him along was my making his birthday cake this year and buying him a girlfriend-esque present of a polo shirt. The best purchase (besides my condo) I've ever made- it's paying off in dividends of happiness.

You Have to Go Backwards to Go Forward

This is how I describe my theory of time in the Chronicles of Narnia, Prince Caspian the movie. George was like "what?" when I blurted this out the first time. It was late in the day so I might have made absolutely no sense but I managed to get out an explanation. Basically the movie starts with the main characters having a dejavu moment.
I've had those a lot especially in my dreams, I'll dream I've done or met someone before it happens. Of course, I don't wake up and write down the dream. Instead it gets stored in the recesses of my long term memory and it pops up like a pop-up on my web browser.

Anyway, it's got me thinking about writing again. But it's just a thought now and I can't really articulate what sort of thesis I've have. I think I'll plead the 5th and keep it to myself for now...

A mini high school reunion

Last night, I met up with two girls, Allie and Sarah, I went to high school with to have drinks and dinner in M'Town. We haven't seen each other in at least 4 years and just in passing at a store so it was nice to actually have a real conversation with them.

After gushing about George for a minute we talked about all the "mean girls" from elementary school on and how when we see them now they try and pretend that the words they said didn't' mean anything. But they still do. Even the guys that teased them and are now trying to flirt with Allie and Sarah when they go out to drink in Hoboken, we will never forget those words.

At intervals I was left alone with one of them and they gossiped about the other. I've known Allie longer and she mainly talked to me about the love of her life, Davy. They met years ago and she regrets that she was immature and didn't have it together. The two still talk and he's asked to be single for the summer (she admits to being a drama queen) so she's waiting for summer to be over with.

The other amusing thing we talked about was the church across the street. Since they live in the neighborhood they noticed the Christian bookstore that's related to the church that meets Sundays at the hotel off the Green.

Anyway, I told them that's where George and I met. Sarah proceeds to immediately ask me " So what are your thoughts on pre-marital sex?" It's a good thing I had a drink and a half in me and some dinner so I could gracefully handle that question. She did preface it with "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?". Anyway I said one of my boyfriend's had pressured me to do it and I almost did but didn't at the last second and he respected my wishes and proceeded to break up with me a few weeks later.

I told them that it's hard to wait(girls our age think it about more than guys think we do) and I know Christians who aren't virgins when they get married. The thing I didn't say and probably should of was that they became believers late in life. But since I was talking to two recovering Catholics it didn't seem like the right place to sermonize on sexual purity. I can just tell though that to some extent, both of these beautiful girls who spend every weekend getting wasted (their words not mine) I can see they wish they had some sort of prince charming in their life. Maybe they've already met him and they just didn't know it, I hope.

Big Bang Theory and George

I asked George yesterday if we could watch "Big Bang Theory" when it comes out on DVD and he didn't say anything. When I asked again later on the phone, he admitted ambivalence because it struck too close to his academic life as an undergrad. Apparently he studied/lived with guys who talked just like that and he wasn't like them at all.

While I can't say I'm the Penny character in one of my groups of friends (the one I actually met George in), I have my moments when I want to say to them "Seriously guys, you really know every detail about Battlestar Gallactica"?" I have to be VERY careful what I say about BG because if I'm not mistaken it's George's favorite shows.

Speaking of which, we were talking about the shows we watched as children and he mentioned Carl Sagan's "Cosmos" because he knows how much I like(d) astronomy. Apparently I missed out on one of the best documentaries on the subject. It almost makes me want to take my tiny telescope out from under my parent's bed (dont' ask me why it's there) and set it up in my new place, just maybe I will.

Privacy

How many minutes of your day is actually spent in privacy? So far I can count about 20 when I was driving to the train station. The rest of it so far as been spent with strangers and co-workers alike. I've been in closer proximity to strangers than I've ever been with George. Between that and the 7 minutes it takes for me to take my daily shower, I'm pretty much surrounded by humanity.
Yesterday I read an article about this buddhist couple who has vowed to stay no more than 15 feet apart at all times. They claim they're not intimately involved and they're doing it to lessen their innate selfishness.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/15/garden/15buddhists.html?ex=1368590400&en=babf2f046e13bf6b&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink


Throughout my day I leave little traces of my path that I didn't really think about until now. The MTA knows exactly where I get on and off and at what time. My cell carrier knows exactly where I am as long as my phone's turn on and has a signal. My mother always knows where I am and occasionally does the "where are you going, where have you been?" Otherwise I guess the doorman at my building where I work knows my comings and going for most of my work day.

Web Diva

George is insisting on calling me "Web Diva" and thinks I'm better suited as a IT chicka than merely the social secretary I currently work as. I have no idea where he gets it from? He even gave me a copy of "Cuckoo's Egg" to read, perhaps to get the wheels already spinning in my head about a million other things geared into the direction of computers. It's enough that I stare as a monitor 8 hours a day (yes I watch TV online at lunch). But my vision of being an IT person invovles a matrix of codes and carrots and tildas.

I suppose I should be flattered that he envisions me in this job but it would be like me taking my love of baking and becoming a pastry chef. A hobby would become a chore and I'd probably end up very unhappy.

The one thing that baffles me about computers and technology is the lack of transparency (for lack of a better word) in regards to music files. I cannot believe I have a couple hundred dollars worth of iTunes tracks that will not play on my new player. I guess I learned my lesson that Apple's is just as serious about making as much $$ off of you as Microsoft.

That doesn't excuse the fact that I love all the stuff on my old now dead iPod, whatever worthless piece of crap that it is now.

What I love about technology is also what I hate: it's portability and replacement ease. I cannot tell you how much crap I got when my first iPod (a gift from Mom) broke like 4 weeks in. I was so embarrased or shamed as it was.

Now I have a cute little pink $30 (thank you Staples rebates) Sony Walkman. Go figure that they can still make a damn good product. I should'nt be so surprised though.

Anyway, so I thought more about what George said tonight as I wait for this final exam proctoring to be OVER, yeah I'm really checking them and blogging at the same time.

I think I can actually do this and I totally can't believe I never though of this as a resume builder before. He's going to get such a good commission for suggesting this idea. But he better be prepared for the consequences of this--- I'll actually have to do some coursework studying/practice which could cut into our "us" time. I don't know if he thought of that. Anyway, how hard could it actually be? Maybe I'm over-thinking this and George has nothing to worry about.

He was so awesome today in the supportive department. Actually there's very few days since we met many Sundays ago that he hasn't. I guess I'm supporting him in my own way but he seems so grounded and has his shit together (yes I'm cursing) that I guess all I have to do is continue to accept him for who he is, as he is. That's all I'm going to say about us, I promised him there'd be no pillow talk or any other kind about us on my blog.

The Co-Op Registry

I was having dinner with friends on Saturday and two of us are moving into our first place (buying that is) and we talked about how we wished as singleton's we could still have a registry. Since he's a guy and I'm a girl I said we should register together. We had a good laugh about the logistics of it all because he's living at the shore and I'm moving to a more suburban area. I continued the "what if" with well we need things for BOTH residences, silly.

This was me hung-over from the night before, silly tired but being propped up by my very nicely dressed and well behaved date, George. He's been really supportive about my whole buying on my own but perhaps this was too much to expect from him. He never said anything later so I'm sure he took it in the spirit it was meant, silly but rational reasoning.

By the way, if you do feel compelled to buy me anything ever, I'm registered on Amazon.com :)

You Can Only Love One Place at a Time

People who know me well know how much I really really love being in the city every work day. I love the layers of sounds I can heard my MP3 player, then the sounds of a cab printing out a receipt, people's snippets of conversation....


Last Friday, I once again joined the Happy Hour crowd that I used to be with before I left in 2006. We always end up in Hell's Kitchen, this time at Mr. Bigg's (10th and 43rd). The tab for 4 came to $74, thanks to the 2-1 drinks and 1/2 price appetizers, I think that's our new watering hole. As usual I was the only girl so it was all high fives around and talking about work mostly. I was one of 4 people actually happy with their current job.

Getting my Bindi Straight

सो, इफ इ एन्देद उप मोविंग टू लिटिल इंडिया, अस इ'म काल्लिंग माय न्यू पोतेंतिअल निघ्बोर्हूद, इ विल सुर्रौन्देद माय इंडियन वेद्डिंग शोप्स एंड ग्रोसरी स्टोर्स, अमोंग ओथेर थिंग्स.
अच्कोर्डिंग टू थिस अर्तिक्ले इन थे नयत'स इफ यू'रे थिंकिंग ऑफ़ लिविंग इन/इसेलिन, न.जे.; कर्री एंड सरिस स्पिस अ 'टिपिकल' सुबुर्ब: "

अत फर्स्ट ग्लांस, इसेलिन लूक्स मच लिके एनी ऑफ़ थे दोजेंस ऑफ़ स्लीप्य पोस्ट-वर्ल्ड वर ई सुबुर्ब्स ठाट मुश्रूमेद इन न्यू जर्सी दुरिंग थे १९५०'स. तिद्य रंचेस एंड कापे कोड्स स्टैंड साइड बी साइड ओं स्माल लोटस. थे तोवं इस अ कोम्मुटर'स ड्रीम, होम टू थे मेत्रोपर्क ट्रेन स्टेशन एंड जुस्त अ फेव मिनुतेस' ड्राइव टू थे गार्डन स्टेट पर्क्वय, न्यू जर्सी तुर्न्पिके एंड रौतेस १, ९ एंड २८७.

बुत अ क्लोसेर लुक रेवेअल्स ठाट इसेलिन, ओने ऑफ़ निने अरास ठाट मके उप वूद्ब्रिद्गे टाउनशिप, इस नोट यौर रन-ऑफ़-थे-मिल बेडरूम कोम्मुनिटी. इन थे लास्ट देकादे, थे दोव्न्तोवं बुसिनेस डिस्ट्रिक्ट ऑफ़ थिस मिद्द्लेसेक्स काउंटी हम्लेट -- सन्तेरेड अत ओक ट्री रोड एंड ग्रीन स्ट्रीट -- हस बेकोमे अ थ्रिविंग रेतैल मक्का फॉर इन्दिंस, व्हो फ्लोक्क हियर टू दिने ओं औत्हेंटिक इंडियन फ़ूड एंड टू शॉप इन थे मानी इंडियन ग्रोसरिएस, जेवेल्री स्टोर्स एंड साडी शोप्स."

Now this article was written almost six years ago but I have noticed on my weekend drive-bys that I have to avoid that main strip of road mentioned above if I want to get anywhere. I've been in search of a Weigman's that's in the area but it's on the mall side of Rt. 1. That's about the only domestic detail that's unknown.

I did however discover the great joy of shopping at the dollar store for every day things like tupperware and a plunger. Last Friday after work, I was at Metro Park Mall to make a return. I stopped by the $1 store to get party plates and ended up with a enormous bag of things, basically 20 things for $20!!! Now I don't expect these tuppers to last more than a couple zaps in the microwave (by the way, I"m holding on on buying one until I really think I need one!). Otherwise, I'm just being totally chill about the process, literally nothing is in my hands anymore, I just have to get ready to sign an endless amount of paperwork at closing...whenever that is...

The Five Stages of Emotions When Buying Your First Piece of Real Estate

1. Excitement(awe): Yay, I found the place I really really want! It's the perfect size, it's got white walls and it's perfect for my commute.

2. Determination: I sign a very long contract offer, put my good faith money in and wait.... for it to be accepted by the seller.

3. Consternation: Why is the Seller changing the terms of the contract? I mean it's his piece of real property to sell, but what happened in the last 72 hours that made him change course this directly?

4. Frustration: Seriously? You can't be bothered to let the inspector and appraiser onto the property. Is this b/c you said the first time I saw the property: I ain't fixin' nothin'? You had the nerve to not take my first offer seriously, even though it's now been determined to be the appraised value of the property.

5. Acceptance (zen state): One day I'm going to wake up and either be in this new place or I'm going to still be at home, with all my stuff in boxes. That's the bottom line.

I Dream of Anthony Bourdain

I know dreams are suppose to mean something but this one is still stumping me. Last night, I dreamed I was hanging out with Anthony Bourdain and he was asking me what he should make me for dinner. We discussed it and he made it, can't remember what it actually was though. He was really nice to me, ironically, but he had his typical potty mouth thing going on.

Sure enough the answer to my dream was in today's Food Section of the NYT's regarding the bad mouths of TV chefs. Of course, no surprised that "Top Chef" Tom claims he's totally above all that. But Bourdain simply said "I'm making a living at it". Now I'm not saying that I'm in love with him, but I guess I'm saying if a chef (sou or whatever) ever asked me out I'd say yes. Bourdain's already got his trophy wife half his age with a kid.

Nasty Gram

I think I've reached the end of my rope with attempting to get to closing on this condo I had my eye on. First the seller says "I ain't fixing nothing", then the keys didn't work when we tried to go in for the inspection, then he moved the closing date by 8 weeks, then he refused to let the appraiser in for over two weeks, and finally then the appraiser came back under-appraisal by a significant amount, ironically what I my first offer was to begin with.

So, here I am in a situation I wanted to avoid: walking away or going into to re-negotiate for the up-teenth time. I really, really want this place b/c of the location. I know it needs work, thank goodness the appraiser saw that bluntly. It's cosmetic, not structural, which is a good thing. I can handle up-grading over time, if and only if it increases equity. Walking away would include sending the seller a notice that he must repay my legal fees incurred up to present. Knowing how responsible he's been from the get go (he treated the house with minimal care, much like his personal life I suspect based on all his chatting the first time I saw the place), I don't expect to get my money back without a fight.

I think I'll try further south, near P-town and see what else is on the market. I just hope my realtor's game to start all over again but my motivation right now is z-e-r-o.

Yeah I Love You Too

A friend of mine told me to start listening to "After Hours" on NJ 101.5 so I do on a fairly regular basis when I'm in my car at night. Anyway, one of the discussion points this week was "When is it okay to say 'I Love You' '". The host correctly (in my opinion) stated that women say it too easily and when a guy doesn't say anything back, the relationship isn't going anywhere so you should break it off. Michelle, the host, also stated that women need to let the guy say it first. I totally agree that we need to learn to wait for him to say it. Truly, depending on how long you've known each other (friends time included) it should take between three and six months.

Unfortunately the first time a guy said it to me, it was 2 weeks into dating. This time I was the one who didn't say it back and thereafter I couldn't wait to get out of the relationship, it was as good as tolling the death bell on our courtship. When I relayed this story to my friend who listens to Michele he said "yeah it's possible that a guy could say that very quickly".

Why write about this today, you ask? Well since I work in a place that has people from all over one of the staffers who's still learning English replied "Maggie love you too" when I wished him a good day. I smiled and said thank you and got back to work. Yesterday he asked me if I had a husband so you can see where I'm going with this...

Anyway, I decided to update my status on Facebook/MySpace to "in a relationship" just because. It's mainly because I am under contract for my place which is the biggest commitment I've ever made so I think semantics-wise I'm justified in my change.

Dude, Leave Those Lightbulbs!

I had a dream the other night, that I walked into my place for the first time and the previous owner had taken all the light bulbs with him! This is the first dream I've had about my hopeful future house. I certainly hope this is the only weird one. Despite the fact that I have an active imagination, I have a weird feeling about the day of closing on my house.

It could go smoothly and I get the keys, have the locksmith meet me there and I change the locks right away. Bad case scenario, the buyer closes but then says there's still personal stuff in the house. Then it gets awkward; I mean I gave them an extra two months to get what's left (and there wasn't much the last time). I pretty much plan on going there directly after the closing so I'd rather not have any more delay, and I certainly don't want to have to serve them with a trespassing notice. But these are the things I'm bracing myself for on closing day.

Anyway, now that I'm officially absolutely sick of shopping for my house, yes that's possible apparently .I cannot think of another thing I need except for paper napkins. I plan on sleeping on my aerobed for a while until I get furniture. There's still an inner-debate about whether it's Raymour/Flanigan or Crate/Barrell. Basically it comes down to whether or not I want assembled furniture, which I do of course.I'm just waiting waiting waiting for another 54 days. In between then, I have a semester to finish, people to pass and fail, a quick holiday trip down to the shore, and exercise to do and water to drink.